Infinite MonkeysAstonishing. Two "Brokeback" jokes within the first five minutes. Whoopie Goldberg, classy as always. Letterman phoning it in. It's going to be a long night.
Charlize Theron is not amused. But she looks fantastic.
First Cheney-hunting joke at 10 minutes after. Somebody owes me a dollar.
Wow... 13 minutes in and we already get an extended gay cowboy bit. Trying to get it out of the way early? Here's hoping...
Clooney wins Best Supporting Actor for the incomprehensible "Syriana." Self-deprecation is good. Moral preening, less so. But the speech was short and nostalgic for the good old days of the blacklist.
Tom Hanks getting bludgeoned and subdued by the orchestra? Now that's funny.
Ben Stiller in a green suit? Eh... Not so funny.
"Wallace and Gromit" win! Delightful! And most likely the Academy's bone to the family values crowd this year. Ah, well. Take it any way you can get it, folks. It's all terrorism and transgression from here on out... (But what a tough break for Tim Burton and "Corpse Bride," which was terrific. The choice was a real toss-up, I'm sure, for Academy voters.)
How much, I wonder, did Owen Wilson have to bribe/threaten/blackmail his brother Luke to get him to introduce "Chicken Little" and "Abby Mallard"? Just curious...
Cute "Chicken Little" bit. Better than much of the movie.
Russell Crowe is introduced with music from "Gladiator" and refrains from assaulting the conductor. He's clearly making progress. But as for the biopic montage... movies generally do a poor job of imitating real life. That's why Hollywood shouldn't take itself so seriously. (Incidentally, I couldn't help but notice that David Helfgott/Geoffrey Rush was missing from the group. Didn't Rush win best actor for "Shine"? A great performance with little or no semblance with reality...)
I'm going to make a prediction, and you can mark my words: Will Farrell is the next Bill Murray. And Steve Carrell is the next Chevy Chase. Except funny.
Rachel Wiesz takes the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Interesting. Haven't seen "Constant Gardner" and I don't plan to. LeCarre is a schnook and his stories do not interest me in the least. But perhaps this isn't Brokeback's night, after all? Michelle Williams was possibly the best thing about "Brokeback Mountain" -- a decent, devoted, loving woman who was cruelly betrayed. Hard to believe she made her bones on "Dawson's Creek." Her day will come.
"Judi Dench took my eye out in a barfight." Brilliant. Best bit of the evening, so far.
The penguins beat the smartest guys in the room. Good.
Jennifer Lopez is so...er, well-covered, I almost didn't recognize her.
"If you're trying to escape a burning car, don't do it in slow-motion." Excellent advice from Jon Stewart. And almost funny. Poor Stewart. He would have been better off joining Crystal and Rock in the tent.
Okay, maybe I was unduly harsh just then. Stewart's quip following the montage of Hollywood's "provocative" and "socially conscious" films struck the right note at the right time: "And none of those issues was ever a problem again." Now let us have no more of your gasbaggery! Good night, and good luck.
What's that... another hour and 15 to go? (I will never again give up booze for Lent. Never, ever.)
Oh... no. President Sid is explaining how "state of the art technology may change, but state of the heart storytelling will never change." God forgive me, I'm getting a drink now. Where's the guy with the clarinet blowgun when we need him?
That's all I've got.
Posted by H.L. Monkey at March 5, 2006 05:09 PMThanks H.L., you're allowing me to be productive this evening by watching Scary Movie 3 on TBS.
Anna Farris. Mmmmmmm.
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 07:53 PMAmen, amen, amen. There are select movies that I NEED to see in the theatre. Gladiator. Braveheart. Master and Commander.
There are some movies that are a little more enjoyable on the big screen (Miracle, Mystery Alaska), but the garden variety comedy is best seen at home away from "hapless punks."
Although I am not sure I want to wait for Scary Movie 4 to come out on DVD......
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 08:13 PMGoddamit, I work here and I posted that comment to the wrong post. Should've been in reponse to Monkey Brad's comment to Cutting off their Noses.
(In Sacry Movie 3, Charlie Sheen just ripped off Michael Jackson's nose. How cool is that?)
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 08:21 PMHey, James, that was my post about cutting off their noses. Is it possible that you're drunker than H.L.? And drunker than me?
Well, at least Robb is so drunk he's not even posting.
Posted by: Monkey David at March 5, 2006 09:14 PMThere's a possibility, yes.
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 09:18 PMDammit, no more Anna Farris tonight.
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 09:18 PMmonkey David:
No, on further review, you're drunker. I meant to respond to Monkey Brad's "comment" to your post, not your post. Jeeez, thanl god there's an adult here to keep an eye on things.
Posted by: JamesPh. at March 5, 2006 09:30 PMWhat a relief. Let's have a drink to celebrate.
Posted by: Monkey David at March 6, 2006 09:11 AMFunny. I posted that comment to the wrong post originally. But since I wasn't drunk, I used the control panel to fix it.
But in the spirit of responses to the wrong post, let me here applaud RobbL's connection between Adam [sic] Samberg and Paul Westerberg spawn. (Influenced perhaps by that Tommy Stinson flyer shown as an SNL commercial bump visual?)
Posted by: Monkey Brad at March 6, 2006 11:04 AMDid I say Adam? I meant Andy, thanks for pointing that out.
I don't think it was the Tommy Stinson flyer, but rather the hair and the smirk, although I love that they've had that flyer up for a few years now.
Posted by: Monkey RobbL at March 6, 2006 08:10 PMTragically, I must confess that I was not, in fact, too drunk to blog last night. Instead, I was working late into the evening trying to prepare for my customer visits this week. Sigh.
I notice, based on H. L.'s Lent pledge, that I have one more reason to be happy I'm a [graham chapman]Protestant[/graham chapman].
Posted by: Monkey RobbL at March 6, 2006 09:03 PM