Infinite MonkeysWith Easter approaching, I'd once again like to share a happy and heart warming little Easter story from my childhood.
Many, many, many years ago, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I was shipped off to "camp" for the Easter week holiday.
Easter Sunday.
It was a beautiful Easter Sunday morning. About 9:00 am. A couple of the camp counselors (who were probably all of 20 years old themselves) took a bunch of the little kids (all under 7 years old) on a hike in the hills. (It actually was uphill and downhill, so it qualifies as a "hike", not a "walk.")
While on this pleasant Easter Morning hike, one of the counselors stepped on a baby bunny. Yep, stepped on a bunny. On Easter Sunday. With a hiking boot.
Well, the poor crushed baby bunny was carried back to camp, where the counselors tried to save him (probably by staring intently at the bunny while he slowly died a painful, agonizing death), surrounded by a mob of crying and screaming five year olds, convinced that this Easter Sunday Morning bunny was The Easter Bunny and that he was going to die.
Well, he did. The Bunny died. Right before our very eyes. On Easter Sunday, this group of little kids witnessed the violent, bloddy, tragic, horrible demise of the Easter Bunny.
The funeral was spectacular. An empty milk carton served as the coffin for the now Dead Easter Bunny. I had the honor of painting a cross on a flat rock on the side of a hill to mark the final resting place of the Easter Bunny. (It was a private camp, so there were no separation of church and state issues)
Rest Well, Oh Easter Bunny. You died well and honorably.
So there you go. The Easter Bunny is dead. I know. I was there. I saw him expire.
So Happy Easter kids!
Mr. Praline: I wish to complain about this Bunny what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Easter Bunny...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead Easter Bunny when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bunny, the Easter Bunny, idn'it, ay? Beautiful ears!
Mr. Praline: The ears don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Easter Bunny! I've got a lovely fresh carrot for you if you
show...
(owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO BUNNY!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Easter Bunny out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead bunny.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! The Easter Bunny stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That bunny is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hourago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged hop.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Easter Bunny prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable biunny id'nit, squire? Lovely ears!
Mr. Praline: 'This bunny is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the cage 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-BUNNY!!
It's a pity that you weren't there on Tuesday. You missed the part when the Easter Bunny rose from his carton and ascended to the North Pole to sit at Santa Claus' side.
Posted by: Poochucker at April 15, 2006 09:18 PM