Infinite Monkeys

IAU to Pluto: Drop Dead

For years I've counted on the fact that if I needed to find out, in an instant, if anything major had "gone down" (as Cypress Hill would put it), I simply needed to hit the Google home page. From there it was a quick click on the link over the search box to News. Anything major, with more credibility than Drudge, or the Daily Freeps, would be highlighted. It was easy. It was simple. Nothing blown up that I care about? No one gassed? Okay. On with the day. Same thing worked when you wanted a jumping off point for research into a story you may have heard on the top o' the hour radio news break. Take me to the Tokyo papers, yes!

But now the world has changed. There is no News link there any longer. There does seem to be some new Video! link, but I refuse to click on it. Let YouTube have their niche, please. (I love you, YouTube. You're the only place I've ever, ever, found that HHSB video.) But where's the News? Must be under the "More" link. What? No. Not there? Okay, how about the Even More link that pops up there? I don't see i– oh, there it is. Whew... Had to scroll down a ways to find it, heaped among the detritus of Google Inc. products. How could Google have relegated News to the dreck? I thought we knew each other. (Well, at least I counted on Google knowing me better, after all the data collection.)

I know, I know. Now I'll have to bookmark it into my Safari Bookmarks Bar. I can. But it will never feel the same. Thank goodness I can still just go to Wikipedia if I'm in the mood for nothing but the absolute calamity only filter. Folks may complain about the site's articles' accuracy, but I can count on them for a succinct list of only a handful of international events that those outside caves should be aware of. No Armageddon? Okay, on with the day.

Let's check it out today, for example. New Zealand Tri-Nationals – I didn't know they played quidditch in NZ. Congo election – snore. Math medal – should have gone to Stephen Colbert. Terrible Ukrainian plane crash – dude, my psyche really doesn't need something so remote to grieve over, thanks for thickening the callous. And, at the top, the one I had been wondering about. So it's true. The lead story that could have been titled IAU to Pluto: Drop Dead. I'd been suspending reaction. Since I started teaching Science to middle-schoolers I've seen Quaoar and several other Kuiper Belt objects announced as "the 10th planet!" several times. And it seemed that Pluto was getting hammered constantly. If these planet-come-latelies weren't big enough, then why were we letting Pluto stay in the pool with the adults?

It looked like the IAU had finally come down with a consistent decision. Good job, boys. Take a stand! (As Flava Flav would phrase it. Forget Fat Joe.) But what's this? A "dwarf planet"?? What sort of cop-out compromise of a made-up definition is this? Great job, guys. This is gonna lead to no end of jokes at the dwarf planet's expense.

No word yet from Billy Barty.

Posted by Brad at August 24, 2006 10:41 PM