Infinite MonkeysYes, this list from Blender is old -- from 2003 to be exact. So there are probably some adjustments to be made to it. After all, American Idol was barely two years old back then, so Clay Aiken's sure-fire qualification for the list was still in question.
Yet I am not ashamed to say that many bands I like made the list. I know I can't be alone. Here's an often funny rundown of some of the bands Blender thinks are among the worst OF ALL TIME!!! And my humble defenses.
49 TOAD THE WET SPROCKETVery poor name. Even poorer band
“We were together longer than we ever thought we’d be,” said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band gave up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too. But the California four-piece defied the odds for 12 years, even piercing the Top 40 with their R.E.M. readymades.
My defense: So it' pop. So its derivative. So what. That's what pop is.
46 THE SPIN DOCTORSBeards. Extended “jams.” Oh dear, oh dear
For a brief time (between 1992 and 1996), it seemed that any workaday bar band, if it was willing to gamely trek around the country for at least three years, had a chance at superstardom (cf. Hootie and the Blowfish, Blues Traveler). Blame the Spin Doctors, hairy New Yorkers who — thanks to the supremely annoying “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” and “Two Princes” — momentarily opened a route between dive bars and the Billboard charts.
My defense: This is a band that I was really into before the ubiquitous "Two Princes" violated every sense of public decency (not because it's a terrible song, but because it was played to the point of torture). I still think they're good, and hearing them takes me back to my college days. Screw Blender.
40 BLIND MELONA video made them; heroin undid them
Led by Axl Rose’s mewling, drug-plagued pal Shannon Hoon, Blind Melon’s lightweight rock would have been forgotten completely were it not for the boundless charm of “Bee Girl” Heather DeLoach, whose hoofing in the video for “No Rain” made the tune the band’s lone hit.
My defense: Hard to argue that Blind Melon would have probably been nobodies -- and Hoon still living -- if not for the "Bee Girl." Yet the song was cool. So was the only other decent cut on the record, "Stones of Home." Among the worst bands ever? Hardly.
37 THE DOORSHe was the Lizard King. No, really…
While in college, many young men still choose to immerse themselves in such ill-advised subjects as Nietzsche, black magic and Native American folklore. Most get over it; Jim Morrison, unfortunately, inflicted his terminally adolescent views on the wider world. The consequences included overblown screeds of nonsense such as “The End” and “The Crystal Ship,” plus, effectively, the invention of goth. Then he got fat and died.
My defense: Won't offer one. Just love the last line in that review. Glad to see that someone doesn't buy into the Doors hype. Unless you were (or are) really into drugs, I don't see how you can dig 40-minute organ solos.
34 LIVEThese U2 sound-alikes never did find what they were looking for
Blessed with the same spiritual longing as U2 — but, sadly, none of the musical cunning — this Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, quartet made a brief but insignificant splash in the early ’90s as purveyors of grandiose, vaguely uplifting alt-rock. Although their hold on the mainstream had evaporated by the end of the decade, their blend of loud guitars and portentous lyrics helped pave the way for crypto-Christian rockers Creed. Nice one, Live.
My defense: I wouldn't have thought to have blamed Live for Creed, but that is a sin. I did, and still do, like their "Throwing Copper" album. "White Discussion" is a good jam. But I'm sensing a pattern here: If you made it big as a rock band and were not named Nirvana or Soundgarden ... you suck. Ok, then.
32 THE HOOTERSThe great folk-rock scare
Philadelphians Rob Hyman and Eric Bazilian assembled a quintet that specialized in a vile blend of folk-rock and New Wave, in the process proving that the mandolin is more irritating than the synthesizer.
My defense: I post this only so my went-to-high-school-in Philly wife will read it -- and get mad. C'mon, though. "And She Danced" is a goofy, 80s pleasure. Isn't it? Isn't music supposed to be fun? (Though the Hooters were a real buzz-kill with the morbid "All You Zombies."
28 CRASH TEST DUMMIESThey said Brad Roberts’s voice was so deep it could be heard only by whales. Not true, sadly
If you want to be recognized as serious recording artists with a whimsical, folksy bent, it’s probably best not to notch your only hit with a daft novelty song based around the world’s silliest lead vocal and title it “Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.” The remainder of God Shuffled His Feet, this Canadian band’s second album, was much worse. They released I Don’t Care That You Don’t Mind in 2001. No one cared.
My defense: I still like that humming song. It's a novelty, yes. But why do all novelty songs have to be played by Weird Al on the accordion? And are Crash Test Dummies really worse than No. 36: 98 Degrees? God, no.
22 PRIMUS“Care for some prog-rock with cartoon-character vocals on the side?” “No, thanks!”
Perhaps the most tune-free act ever to chart an album in the Top 10 (Pork Soda hit number 7 in 1993), Oakland, California’s Primus were led by Les Claypool, a bass virtuoso and startlingly nasal vocalist. Musicians and the terminally nerdy gaped in wide wonder at the trio’s prodigious instrumental “chops”; everyone else was repulsed by the band’s combination of the worst aspects of Frank Zappa and Rush.
My defense: I guess Primus gets no points for trying to have fun. They get the last laugh, though, for doing the theme song for "South Park." And everyone knows that one. It's like the anti-theme song.
20 HOWARD JONESHe came from England. Thanks, England
In the mid-’80s, it was difficult to avoid synth-wielding Brits. The sprig-haired, perma-grinning Howard Jones was the most irritating, seemingly convinced that he had something very important to tell the world — his 1984 debut was grandly titled Human’s Lib — but unclear exactly what it was.
My defense: Another one to get Mrs. Zaius to throw poo at the computer. "Things Can Only Get Better" has a great horn riff that I'm shocked isn't sampled to death.
16 OINGO BOINGOArtless art-rock
Oingo Boingo singer Danny Elfman went on to become one of Hollywood’s most in-demand soundtrack composers. But during his first go-round, he and his movie-director brother led this ostentatiously orchestrated L.A. New Wave group that began its pretentious career, not surprisingly, as a performance-art troupe.
My defense: Wrong. Simply, wrong. Danny Elfman is a musical genius. Listen to the stuff he wrote 25 years ago for that band -- a New Wave pop band. The arrangements are simply stunning. And he also pulled off the tough trick of writing catchy melodies over the beautiful mess. Hell, he wrote "The Simpsons" theme song shortly after Oingo Boingo's hey-day. Listen hard to that one, and try to figure out how you'd play it. It's hard, and still brilliant after all these years. This listing is an abomination. Boooooooo!!!
And, really, I can't argue with much else. Have at it, team!
Posted by Dr. Zaius at May 25, 2008 07:48 PM