Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysOkay, time for a little self-reflection. Back when Arnold was running against Tom McClintock, I asked the question, "If this guy had exactly the same policies and characteristics, but were running as a Democrat, would you ever even THINK of voting for him?"
It's time to ask that question about George W. Bush. If Bill Clinton was spending money like a drunken sailor, invading a country with an tenuous (at the very best) connection to a horrible terrorist attack on our soil, and allowing Janet Reno to run our civil liberties through Oliver North's paper shredder, would Republican journalists, pundits, and politicians give him a pass the way they have with King George? Would you be "supporting the President in a time of war," or would you show him the door?
The scariest words in the English language are "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."-- Ronald Reagan"Help is on the way."-- John Kerry
What would John Wycliffe think? What would Wyclef Jean think?
The L33T-speak Bible. (Pronounced "leet-speak.")
Mitch at Shot In The Dark points us to the What Kind of Elitist Are You? Quiz.
My result was predictable.
You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party. What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves. What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.
What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I only wish I were that well read. (And I only wish I weren't so snobbish about grammar.)
I'm on vacation in Kauai as we speak. And the room has broadband. And I brought my new Airport Express.
My wife is furious.
After from his service in Vietnam, here is what appears to be his acceptence speech's sum total of Kerry's intervening three and a half decades:
I ask you to judge me by my record: As a young prosecutor, I fought for victim's rights and made prosecuting violence against women a priority. When I came to the Senate, I broke with many in my own party to vote for a balanced budget, because I thought it was the right thing to do. I fought to put a 100,000 cops on the street. [people still buy that old line?]I should mention that my five-year-old pointed out that the Kerry speech's finale song, Dreams by Van Halen, is the same song that plays over the finale and credits of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie. So that's what Kerry's positions have been doing: morphin'.And then I reached across the aisle to work with John McCain, to find the truth about our POW's and missing in action, and to finally make peace with Vietnam.
Listening to all of the hubbub over Kerry's Vietnam service, his biopic, and his awkward silence over his long Senate career has reminded me of something I saw on tv a few months ago. My wife and I don't go in for the Fear-Factor style reality tv, but we do like the TLC genre non-extreme makeover type shows like Trading Spaces and What Not To Wear. One show that never quit got its hooks in us was Date Patrol. Three advisors, and a host help an average schmo bone up on communication skills, appearance, and self-confidence. At the beginning of the show, they send their subject out on a "test date" to assess his or her weaknesses and needs. Sometimes family members are interviewed too, to see confirm whether or not certain blunders observed are chronic or one-time gaffs.
On the episode that I'm thinking of, the subject was a 27-year-old guy (let's call him Kip) with a self-proclaimed "relatively nonexistent love life," who still lived with his folks. He had some non-descript job, and seemed like the sort who you'd expect to have trouble with dating. In his post-test-date debriefing, the show's personal communication advisor wanted to talk about Kip's approach to answering the standard tell me something about yourself first-date question. She recommended that Kip might not want to lead with, "Well, I was an Eagle Scout." It seemed a little unseemly for a guy in his thirties, ya' know. Kip denied using it as a standard opening, but in the interview with Kip's brother it was confirmed that, yes, it was practically Kip's exclusive point of pride. Kip's brother was funny in relating the story, but all in all, it was just sad.
Don't get me wrong, it's an honorable thing to have reached the elite status of Eagle Scout. But by the time one approaches the age of thirty, it's more like something you want to treat inconspicuously; something that's better left to be pointed out by your mom when she finishes showing your girlfriend your baby book (or something like a card you play after proving wrong someone who predicted you couldn't start a campfire or use a compass). That Kip had nothing from the last 15 or so years that he considered worthy of mention in an attempt to sell himself just seems a bit pitiful.
Yep. And then there's Kerry. Leave aside the fact that the out of the swift boat officers who served concurrently with Kerry, many more appear oppose him than support him. Leave aside the questions over his reenacting his exploits for his movie camera. Leave aside his injuries and citations. Leave aside his questionable testimony in 1971. Leave aside the fact that there certainly must have been honorable aspects to his service. Leave all that junk aside. It's just sad that four months and twelve days' of service 35 years ago are the campaign centerpiece of a man who has spent the most recent 19 years in the U.S. Senate.
I wish you could see the image of over-grown Eagle Scout Kip I have in my head whenever Kerry brags about Vietnam. Sure, it may be honorable, but every time he leads with it, it insinuates a self-proclaimed "relatively nonexistent Senate life." No, it's not about absences. There's another aspect of his voting record that he just can't shake.
You should be reading Power Line. Start here and read up post by post.
Tonight I was over at Evangelical Outpost catching up on things. Good stuff as usual. One that stood out was a long over due return of Joe's famous "Weekend's Useless Posts," usually in the form of an "inquiry" from a reader.
While at E.O. I noticed an entry in Joe's blogroll called Semper Ubi Sub Ubi. The title is a play on words in Latin. Students typically learn it early in their studies. Translated it reads, "Always Where Under Where." The blog by that name however, is far from silly. Check out the deep well of challenging thinking offered in the "Reflections of and Refractions From the Fragmented Cranium of a Physics Prof in Northeast Iowa."
No, no, not really.
But face it -- you need a break from the convention coverage. Over at Fark they regularly feature Photoshop contests. Thought we should point out one with the theme "Considering Quentin Tarantino wants to make a James Bond film, photoshop other movies as if they were made by Tarantino." (Note: big page with lots of graphics -- will take a while to load on slower connections.)
No, Fark is not for kids or the sqeamish. Also, there are many recurring/inside jokes (i.e. General Ackbar from The Empire Strikes Back saying "It's a trap!"). Worth your time? Not convinced? Hey, one of the entries features an animated GIF of Meatwad from Aqua Tean Hunger Force (hey, an ATHF quiz!).
I missed the exchange between James Lileks and the French Regis on Hewitt's show today. But reports sound... delightful. Here's a preview of Lileks's account: "suggesting that Chirac was close to Saddam does not mean one works for Fox, you prique."
...because they're really more like separated-at-birth photos:
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Wonka-Vision Lab Tech 
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Wonka-Vision Uplink Crew 
UPDATE: Just found a different take over at QandO.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Technorati isn't completely worthless. Tonight it showed me that Andy Carvin, Sam at Blogging - The Thing of the Future, Rambling's Journal, Accidental Verbosity, and I were on the same wavelength. (Coverage of the Coverage reports that Brian Wilson (FOX) compared Kerry to an Oompa Loompa on tv earlier.)
Notice: Hog On Ice goes on a curry-fed naughty-word rant, and "photoshopically" implies that this is a Dukakis-in-the-tank moment.
Okay, I've got to A) give up going out with the family and blog ideas right when they come to me, and B) check see how tired my ideas are before I post them. Well, B would be a bit more feasible if Technorati didn't keep coming up with all that Other Crap.
I'm not watching the convention tonight. We're getting ready for a road trip, so I decided to let my son win the argument. And, in any event, I caught the gist of it on the radio earlier. I don't know how he looked, but from what little I heard, Barack Obama sounded great. A far cry from the keynoter four years ago. I look forward to reading the transcript.
On the other hand, I'm sure Ron Reagan looked as smug as he sounded. "We have a chance to take a giant stride forward for the good of all humanity. We can choose between the future and the past, between reason and ignorance, between true compassion and mere ideology." Yeah, that's reaching out. Very persuasive.
Oh, and I just read that Ted Kennedy compared George W. Bush with King George III. Hmmmm. Where have I seen that before?
The Wall Street Journal editorializes this morning:
[T]he main public interest here has nothing to do with fixing blame on either Mr. Berger, Mr. Clarke or the Clinton Administration for what they did or did not do pre-9/11. To the contrary, it has to do with the single largest question of this election: How America ought to respond to the terror threat.On Sunday, Commission Chairman Tom Kean said that Mr. Berger's padded hosiery did not affect the Commission's final report. Mr. Kean says he believes Commissioners had all the documents. The problem is this: He has no way of knowing for certain what he might not have seen. Remember, it was Mr. Berger who was assigned the task of selecting which documents--and which drafts of which documents with which marginal notations--to send up on behalf of the Clinton Administration.
Experience tells us that tiny differences in drafts can be critical. After all, the Iran-Contra case exploded when then-Assistant Attorney General Brad Reynolds discovered a paragraph in one draft of an Ollie North memo on diverting funds to the Contras. This was a paragraph that did not appear in other drafts of the same memo. At the very least, given Mr. Berger's role as point man for the Clinton-era documents, Justice needs to assign someone to review his selections and ensure the integrity of a process he so grossly compromised.
...
The entire justification for the highly contentious exercise known as the 9/11 Commission has been to provide Americans with a full accounting of that terrible day, let the chips fall where they may. Now we learn that Mr. Berger wanted to keep some of those chips hidden. Whatever Mr. Berger's legal liabilities, the largest interest here is less what he did than why a sophisticated ex-National Security Adviser would do it. And for that we need to see what he was hiding.
The Daily Show and Conan were both reruns tonight. Wha? To quote Monkey Ben, "It's the Democratic National Convention, fer cryin' out loud!"
No, I couldn't take the reruns of the Clintons.
In other news, the music in the new Subway commercial with the younger kid holding up the pants from before his weight loss – it's Brian Eno (with Roger Eno and Daniel Lanois) from the original score for the great documentary For All Mankind. Thought you should know. (Now if only I can find a way to harness this power.)
What, I go a way for a few days, cut off from the news cycle, and Trouser-gate has disappeared? I never got to quote Nigel Tufnel or draw allusions to Derek Smalls getting "caught" at the airport metal detector. Everyone's talking about the speeches at the DNC. I wonder if any of the speakers tried calming their nerves by picturing the audience in these.
/got nuthin'
Forgive me. I've been away from the news cycle since Thursday. Since I've been home tonight, FOX is over-covering another missing/murdered pregnant wife, and C-SPAN2 is showing an archival Lyndon Johnson convention speech. MSNBC is just a painful roundtable of weak spin. (Dee Dee Myers?)
Wait. Looks like the re-run cycle on FOX is starting.
This just in: Jimmy Carter suddenly got really old.
Lileks, Tuesday: "'Troy,' 'King Arthur,' 'The Lord of the Rings,' 'The Four Feathers,' and all the rest: we’re in the Golden Era of beating around the bush."
Is that what it is? I suppose so. Subtlety is lost on us. Allegory...wazzat? What we know is this: There ain't no WMD, man. War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothin'! Say it again!
"Daddy! I wanna watch 'Lilo'!"
"No, son, we have to watch the Democratic National Convention. It's like 'Lilo,' except much more boring."
"Okay... Daddy! Lilo!"
"No, son, we need to watch this. This is important."
"Dadddddeeee! Lilo!"
"Son, don't you want to watch the big shuck-and-jive?"
"Dadddddeeee! Lilo!"
I won, eventually. But at what price? At what price?
Google offers several definitions. I raise the question because I'm listening to Jimmy Carter right now, and he speaks a language I don't fully understand.
In case you missed it, here's a transcript* of Vice President Al Gore's speech to the DNC tonight:
Listen, you f*****s, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the c***s, the dogs, the filth, the s**t. Here is a man who stood up.
Well! So much for civility in politics!
*This is an unofficial transcript. I'll post a link to the official one as soon as I find it.
Update: Here is a story about Gore's speech. I'm listening to Bill Clinton now. He just compared John Kerry to John Adams. John Adams! I never knew the former president was a comedian.
Some interesting blogging happening at The American Prospect. Considerably less interesting blogging at The Corner, but KerrySpot is doing yeoman's work.
Update: Hey! The "shove-it" guy has a blog, too! Apparently, they had to shut down the comments because the Democrats have been uncivil. (Hat tip: Slings and Arrows)
And I don't mean the vote-mongers: Prostitutes Join Police Converging on DNC Boston.
Several sex workers said political conventions were often particularly lucrative. Democratic organizers wanted to point out that many delegates are bringing their families."This really is a G-rated event," said DNC spokeswoman Mariellen Burns.
Not that we would expect to see hookers cavorting on the stage in primetime, although I hope somebody is taking the prudent step of hiding the liquor from Senator Kennedy tomorrow.
The bright side of a Kerry victory? (I know, I know, perish the thought.) Four years of stories like this:
BOSTON (AP)—Teresa Heinz Kerry urged her home-state delegates to the Democratic National Convention to restore a more civil tone to American politics, then minutes later told a newspaperman to "shove it."
If only she had told him to shove it nicely.
Have you read the Democratic Party Platform yet? Can't say that I blame you. It sounds like pretty bland stuff, notwithstanding the occasional bone tossed to the environmental left and others.
Chester Finn has read it, evidently. Or, at least he's read the education plank. He yawns on NRO today:
The teacher unions remain in charge of the Democrats' education policies and Kerry-Edwards refuse to rile them. Hence the ticket's position boils down to this: "We sort of agree with Bush about what's wrong with American education and yes, we voted for his bill, though we now have misgivings, but we promise to spend buckets more than he will and we'll make sure that education reform doesn't upset the educators."Anyone for a nap til November?
I'd settle for a good night's sleep sometime this week, but that's not important right now.
In fact, organized labor remains firmly in charge of the Democrats' policy agenda generally. No surprise there.
The platform is a bit squishy on the war, although the worst elements of the party's anti-war contingent were shut down and largely find themselves out in the street, battling to be heard through the din.
Some Democrats (it's not entirely clear just how many) have noticed a change in the wording of the party's abortion plank, and are none-too-happy. (Not to worry, though: the Democrats remain solidly, unequivocally pro-abortion-on-demand.)
But these are small cracks in a party largely unified against a president it still considers "selected, not elected." Don't expect to hear those words come out of any speaker's mouth in primetime, of course. Pay attention, though, to what's said throughout the next five days, off the dais, by rank-and-file Democrats on the margins of the convention, and when the networks aren't paying attention.
It begins: Protesters Clash Near Dem. Convention.
Joseph Epstein's Wall Street Journal essay (first mentioned here) is now online.
I suppose yesterday's announcement of the title of Episode III is exciting for some. But I couldn't help but think: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times?..."
Yeah, I'll probably get fooled again.
Oscar-award winning film and TV composer Jerry Goldsmith died on Wednesday, after a long battle with cancer. He was 75. Goldsmith wrote more than 300 scores and themes in his career, including "Alien," "Star Trek," "Chinatown" (completed in nine days after the previous composer's score was rejected), "Patton," "Our Man Flint," "MacArthur," "Planet of the Apes," "L.A. Confidential," "Basic Instinct." "A Patch of Blue," "Poltergeist," and "Rambo: First Blood, Part 2." He won an Academy Award in 1976 for "The Omen."
To hear some selections of Goldsmith's work, check out Jimmy Aquino's "A Fistful of Soundtracks" (on Live365.com), "Deconstructing Goldsmith," and the Jerry Goldsmith Film Music Page.
And, of course, leave a condolence message at Jerry Goldsmith Online.
Several concertgoers in Livermore, California, walked out at the encore of Linda Ronstadt's sold out concert on Thursday night.
From the Contra Costa Times story:
"I love her music, but I hate her politics, and I hope she just sings," said Tina Uzelac of Livermore, who arrived wearing a flag sweater. "These tickets are pretty high-priced [$99 to $249 each—ye gods!], and we're not paying to go to a political rally."
True enough. But did I mention the concert was sold out?
In related news, I would be remiss if I didn't at least link to this follow-up to the Aladdin Hotel flap earlier this week. The truth is, a Linda Ronstadt-Michael Moore duet would certainly draw more sellout crowds. We're a 50-50 country, man. Some people will buy anything.
They'd better reinforce the stage, though.
RobbL Monkey feels that blogging about his business partners' discussions about whether or not to re-carpet the office would be just about on par with Tour de France blogging. Gah!
I'm just glad the other Monkeys have let me decorate the blog here in the color of the Maillot Jaune, the Yellow Jersey. (But you know, I would think that the heavy drinking of quality booze associated with so many of the Tour fans would at least give the other InfMonks and Fraters-types cause to look into what the scene is about.)
The last three days have seen mountain climbs, through crowds along and on the course numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Yesterday was awesome.
The most famous climb of the Tour was an individual time trial this year, and the 9 mile course was bracketed by nearly 1 meeeellion (1M, literally) crazed fans. One rider described them thusly:
The crowds were insane from the start of the climb all the way to the top. At times it was scary, as I didn't really know if I would make it through the crazy screaming fans. By the time we started racing the fans [many of whom had been camping on the mountain for days] had finished their lunches, finished their bottles of red, cans of beer and topped it all off with shots of grappa. When people are drunk, reaction times are slow and the noise is deafening-good and bad when you're racing up a hill with sweat in your eyes.It was nigh impossible to see the road through the fans at times. Some Germans and Belgians gave Armstrong a hard time, spitting on him at close range and flipping him the transnational bird as the race slowed on inhuman gradients.
Fans getting in the way have downed riders in the past, usually inadvertently. Sometimes the riders are destabilized by those who try to reenact the old tradition of running along and pushing the riders up the hill for a few meters. Some riders are endangered by fanatics running within feet (or less) of the racers carrying huge flags on poles or tree limbs, unaware of the positions of the riders behind and the other fans ahead as they round tight hairpins where the riders slow enough to be kept up with.
But sometimes it gets, well... advertent. When Eddie Merckx was trying for his sixth Tour win back in 1975, a spectator took the initiative to land a serious punch to Merckx's face as he came by. The resulting crash injured Merckx's kidneys.
And it's not just malevolence that threatens Tour racers. I don't know if I can succinctly communicate how many things have to go right for someone to duplicate a win at the Tour. Americans seem to simply expect Armstrong to win again. But no one has ever been able to win six times. And a look at the performances of the other notable racers against their expected results show that very little goes as planned in the Tour.
Hamilton - expected to finish in the top three, possibly win - out of the race
Heras - last year Armstrong's #1 lieutenant, left Lance's team to be a team captain, out of the race
Mayo - top three contender - out of the race, crushed psychologically
Ullrich - Lance's chief rival - seven minutes behind, no stage wins
Basso - almost no one predicted him to matter, now the last one who can put pressure on Lance
Voeckler - 119th last year, this year wore the yellow jersey for 9 days, now defending the white jersey
Virenque - okay, the only guy beside Lance who's doing what was expected - king of the mountains (red-spotted jersey)
188 riders are down to 147 after Stage 17 out of 20. The first week and a half of this year's race was called the Tour de Crash. It's been exciting as all get out. Lance's apparently likely win at this point is so much more of an accomplishment than most non-fans of the Tour will likely grasp. From the occasional updates on SportsCenter or a newspaper headline, it may look like a SuperBowl blowout by a heavy favorite. But it's been so much more engaging and exciting, even with the same few commercials playing over and over and over and over and over.
I happened upon the New York Post's review of "Catwoman" today. Check out the lead: "A purr-fectly ridiculous and boring cat-astrophe, 'Catwoman' more than lives up to the lethal advance buzz and—even with Halle Berry cavorting like a third-rate dominatrix—is about as sexy as a hairball."
And it goes down hill from there.
You just gotta love that tabloid style.
I just read this story with a great deal of skepticism:
Republicans initially dismissed "Fahrenheit 9/11" as a cinematic screed that would play mostly to inveterate Bush bashers. Four weeks and $94 million later, the film is still pulling in moviegoers at 2,000 theaters around the country, making Republicans nervous as it settles into the American mainstream. ..."If you are a naive, uncommitted voter and wander into a theater, you aren't going to come away with a good impression of the president," Republican operative Joe Gaylord said. "It's a problem only if a lot of people see it."
Even though my main man Mencken was undoubtedly correct when he observed that "no one in this world, so far as I know...has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people," I have a hard time believing that "naive, uncommitted voters" are wandering in to see "Fahrenheit 9/11." Maybe a few have gone on a dare, or maybe "Spider-Man 2" was sold out that night...
A defiant Linda Ronstadt vows to continue praising Michael Moore on stage, no matter what the Bushies and other cocktail-hurling squares may say:
"This is an election year," she told the Los Angeles Times on Tuesday. (Link requires idiotic paid registration.) "I want people to get their head up out of their mashed potatoes and learn something about the issues and go and vote. ...I'm not telling them how to vote. I'm saying, get information about the issues."
Yes, but what if the information is bullsh..., er, bogus?
Meantime, the New York Times is all hot-and-bothered about Ronstadt's trouble in Vegas the other night:
This behavior [that of the audience and of Aladdin Hotel President Bill Timmins, who kicked Ronstadt out of the hotel] assumes that Ms. Ronstadt had no right to express a political opinion from the stage. It implies—for some members of the audience at least—that there is a philosophical contract that says an artist must entertain an audience only in the ways that audience sees fit. It argues, in fact, that an artist like Ms. Ronstadt does not have the same rights as everyone else.
In order: No it doesn't. May be so. No it does not.
How many times do we need to go through this exercise? Linda Ronstadt has every right to jawjack from the stage. And the audience has every right to cheer her—or jeer her, boo her, and tell her to shut up and sing. You speak your mind, you take your chances.
There is a kind of contract between the performer and the audience. The audience pays to be entertained. There are certain expectations. If the performer delivers a sermon instead of a song, who can blame the audience for getting angry?
Linda Ronstadt has plenty of rights. But as a public figure, she has certain responsibilities, too. Speaking unpopular opinions carries with it certain trade-offs. If she's willing to give up some income in exchange for speaking her mind to an unwitting audience, more power to her. Just don't expect me to get upset when she winds up in the poorhouse.
Update: James Taranto has a slightly different take in BOTWT:
In fact, no one has the "right to express a political opinion from the stage," assuming (as in this case) that the stage is privately owned by someone other than the speaker. If the New York Times declines to run an op-ed piece by someone with whom Gail Collins disagrees, it isn't assuming that the writer "does not have the same rights as everyone else." It is merely exercising editorial control over its own property. The Times seems to be arguing that its editors have more rights than the owners of the Aladdin.
Right. This isn't a censorship issue, really. It's a property question, and a business decision...
Another Update: Captain Ed (in conjunction with Sharp as a Marble and Ipse Dixit) announces "Operation Thrill Linda" "...a service to keep Ronstadt's job satisfaction high as she goes through the twilight of her career." The gist: "If you have tickets to a Linda Ronstadt concert...in the next week, be sure to cancel them and get your money refunded..." Hey, my wife and I are on vacation then! I may buy a ticket for one of the NoCal shows just to demand a refund.
Yet Another Update: Hey! Wow! Michael Moore has something to say about all of this! He thinks it's censorship, that's what it is! And he plugs his lousy movie while he's at it! (Hat tip: QandO)
Hungry? How about a Ninja Burger? They even deliver.
(Hat tip: F-Rock)
Discipline (pretty much) holding, defenses (mostly) honed, I thought I could get by on Splenda and my Zone Diet. But then Krispy Kreme comes along and introduces "a new line of frozen drinks Wednesday, including frozen original kreme -- a drinkable version of the company's signature doughnut -- raspberry, latte and double chocolate." Any breakdown in willpower will be reported here, likely with discomfortingly graphic detail.
Joseph Epstein has a fine, funny op-ed in today's Wall Street Journal (link, alas, requires paid subscription) on the Schwarzenegger girlie-men flap, such as it is. Epstein pitches a new comic book, a la "Spider-Man":
Girlie-Man, as I envision him, is slight, well groomed, and very carefully dressed, mostly in subtle taupes. He has lank hair, with a receding hairline, and nice hands. Housewives call him in when things go wrong at dinner parties. The arugula wilts just before a large dinner for the boss and his wife. "This" says the man of the house, "is a job for Girlie-Man," who arrives on the scene more quickly than Superman, because he doesn't have to change clothes or even put on a cape. In fact, he designs capes.In the movie version that I have in mind Girlie-Man is elected a member of the California state legislature, from the Castro District in San Francisco. The governor of the state, a former bodybuilder and a bully, attempts to ram home a tough budget, with less fat than a tenderloin soaked in a lemon-pepper marinade with just the slightest hint of basil.
Most members of the legislature feel cowed by the governor's strong-arm tactics. He calls them wimps and pantywaists. And it looks like he's going to get away with it, too. But this, clearly, is a job for Girlie-Man, who in the last minute before the final vote on the budget mounts the podium under the speaker of the house, and, reading from the San Francisco Chronicle Cookbook, Volume II, filibusters the legislature by reading aloud every recipe in the book. The governor is rendered helpless. His budget fails, and California's economy goes down the tubes. But at least he learns a hard lesson: never again to fool with Girlie-Man.
Remember when Madonna famously said, "if you don't vote, you're going to get a spanking"? P. Diddy is trying to do her one better. "The forgotten ones will ultimately decide who the next president is," he said. Do you think maybe Urban Outfitters will carry some of Diddy's shirts? I'm sure they'll be on sale in Boston next week. The Democrats have gone out of their way to attract that much-coveted youth vote. I only hope the kids remember to vote soberly... or at least sober.
If you're looking for a clear summary of what Sandy Berger did and why he may have done it, see Byron York's piece at National Review.com. (Hat tip: Hugh Hewitt, who, as his appearance on Dennis Miller should have confirmed, is not the guy playing the pawn/loan store owner in the Hoobastank video. Stop asking me about that, Ben.)
UPDATE: Yes, it's Update Day here at InfMonks. I just had to get in on the action. Joe Carter pools personal experience and principled perspective in his peek past the politics of pants. (Must. Take. Meds.)
From CNN: "In his first public comments since news broke that he is the subject of a federal criminal probe involving top-secret memos, former Clinton administration national security adviser Sandy Berger said Tuesday evening that he made 'an honest mistake.'" Hewitt presses the Kerry-Berger connection. (Berger couldn't have thought "resigning" from the campaign would let Kerry off the hook?) And Belmont Club is uncharacteristically speechless.
I couldn't help but think this morning that Berger was asked to take a bullet... for somebody. But for whom? And why? So to the cryptic subject line: What Would G. Gordon Liddy Do?
Update: Roger L. Simon observes that Mr. Berger's former boss isn't doing Mr. Kerry any favors with some recent remarks on the burgeoning scandal. (Hat tip: Daily Pundit.)
Okay, okay, other than a little bit of sarin and mustard gas and now maybe a few nukes, we haven't found any weapons of mass-destruction in Iraq. So where are the WMD, Bush? Huh? Huh?!?
Update: Or maybe not. Still developing, as they say... (Hat tip: Powerline.)
Another Update: Smash has a good item on the nukes/no-nukes-in-Tikrit story. "How one explains this discrepancy today," he writes, "appears to be a good indication of one's political leanings." Hey, that's why I put the question mark in the headline. Read the comments, too.
I too have read that Sandy Berger was cut loose by Kerry today. Funny, I thought Kerry himself was the one whose ass was in a sling today.
Somebody's lookin' thinner. Somebody's got every hair in place. Somebody's spent just a bit too much time in the makeup chair. (Whoever the makeup-artist was must have done a real sales job on that self-tanner.) Yep, Hugh Hewitt took a day off from the radio gig to tape as the lead guest on Dennis Miller's CNBC show. Of course he was just there to continue the promotional blitz for his new critically important book. But wasn't the timing just felicitous for Sandy Berg(L)er's* Trouser-gate** scandal to break this same day? Hugh and Dennis were good together. You owe it to yourself to catch a replay later tonight.
This is probably a good time to mention how often RobbL Monkey has suggested that Hugh get a recurring gig on DM's Varsity Panel. Alas, today's logistics have confirmed my thoughts: Hugh's and Dennis's shows tape at the same time.
Aside: Lawrence O'Donnell just said on the show that he doesn't think they'll be able to make the "willful" part of any charge stick against Berger. Not willful? NOT WILLFUL? How is sticking papers in your pants inadvertent? HOW? [a few minutes pass] Now O'Donnell is embarrassing himself supporting the overreaction to Arnold's girlie-man quip.
*First seen on Wizbang. Corny? Yep. But it keeps cracking me up.
**Yes, I know Ben wants to coin "Pants-gate." Pants is a funny word. Pants, pants, pants. But phonetically, I think Trouser-gate flows better. Two syllables always go before -gate better than one.
Looks like Sandy Berger is no longer advising the Kerry-Edwards campaign. Captain Ed has the goods.
Heavy reading from The New Yorker. Take the time to read it all.
(Yet another hat tip to Deuce)
I don't know about you guys, but I routinely place documents in my pants for the sheer pleasure of it. Been doing it since I was a kid.
Around the office here, there was a brief disagreement about whether he smuggled the documents out in his pants or in his socks. You and I know that he smuggled them out in the sock that he keeps in his pants. Duh.
The Backcountry Conservative has a round-up of other bloggers' coverage of the Sandy Berger story, thus saving me the trouble of copying and pasting all of those links.
*Because every political scandal since 1973 must have "-gate" attached to it, no matter how awkward it may appear.
I think it's safe to call it right now: "It accidentally fell into my pants!" Also acceptable: "It's in my pants!" Or simply: "Pants!"
There can be no doubt: Pants are funny.
See also: Ith, E-claire, and (obviously) David Letterman.
Update: Our main man Joe writes:
First we have a President who gets in trouble because he can’t keep his stuff in his pants. Now we find his security advisor gets in trouble because he can’t keep from putting stuff into his pants.Only in the Clinton Administration…
You have to read this journal entry by Tyler Hamilton. Yes, I linked to Hamilton's online diary in my previous post. Doubling up like this is generally reserved for hardcore promotions like pushing Hugh Hewitt's new book (which you really should buy, read, and share). But this is the entry in which Hamilton explains his pulling out of the Tour. Remember, this is the guy who crashed and broke his collarbone in one of the first stages last year, but fought through the double fracture to come in fourth overall.
This year Hamilton was back as the leader of a new team, expected to place in the top three and seriously challenge for the yellow jersey. Unfortunately, he was caught in a massive pileup in stage six, his back landing squarely on another downed rider's pedal. Note that he didn't "abandon" until stage thirteen.
The most recent issue of Bicycling Magazine featured a cover story on Tyler Hamilton with the headline, "This man will beat Lance if..." I guess we'll have to wait for the 20/20 hindsight of the MRI report for that list of conditions to be complete.
(Note: In the article, Hamilton refers to "Tugboat." That's his dog who died due to a bad reaction to medication during the early stages of this year's Tour.)
This is an interesting item from Bloomberg: Wal-Mart Funds Bush, Costco Backs Kerry Financing '04 Campaign." Turns out, the current chief exec of Costco is a big-time Dem: "Jim Sinegal, 68, is a Democrat who says Bush's $1.7 trillion in tax cuts unfairly benefit the wealthy. He opposed the Iraq war and supports Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts for president. And he's the only chief executive of a company in the Standard & Poor's 500 Index to donate money to independent political groups formed to oust Bush, Internal Revenue Service records show."
Sol Price, co-founder of the wholesale chain formerly known as Price Club, is also a Democrat, but he devotes most (alas, not all) of his philanthropy to local charities.
It goes without saying that Walmart, for good or ill, has become shorthand for rapacious American corporate greed. So it will come as no surprise to our lefty friends that Walmart (or, rather, its execs) are giving as much as possible to the Bush reelection campaign. (Nothing yet from Kos, Atrios, JMM, Drum, or Yglesias, though.) The heirs to the Walton fortune also spend a lot of their money on education reform, including private voucher programs, one of the bete noirs of the Left.
Personally, I can't stand Wal-Mart, but I love Sam's Club. I like Costco, too. Obviously, where you spend your money can have a profound effect on politics. Especially in a tight election year.
(Hat tip: The Corner.)
Recently the Elder at Fraters Libertas wrote, "you can never go wrong writing about beer." Well, I'm not a beer guy myself, yet I found the topic an engaging aspect of Kathy Gutowsky's online journal entries chronicling her experiences as a fan following the Tour de France.
Since the Prologue and the better part of three stages of the 2004 Tour were taking place in Belgium--home to more than 400 kinds of beers--I tried to find out just what sort of beer I should be consuming. I got a very earnest vote for Geuze beer that is only brewed in Brussels. Kriek, a beer with a light cherry flavoring, was also suggested. [Some English guys I met] recommended Duvel and Leff at night and Stella Artois during the day. I met a couple of older gentlemen who spoke no English and very little French but they managed to tell me that I needed to try a couple of the different Lambic beers before I returned to France. Since one of them had a wicker rooster on his head as he mimed this information, I decided I needed to take him seriously. Good thing I have a couple of days to do the research.Kathy makes le Tour sound like a traveling international Burning Man. Art-bikes, trinket-trading, food-sharing, nuts in drag, people painted colors, town-wide water-gun fights, sweet-talking the quasi-authorities, and earnest fanatics a plenty.
Up ahead a loud bunch caught my attention. As I pulled up to the group, a siren went off and another man came over and handed me an airline-size bottle of Schierker Feuerstein. My new friend KÖnig said the 35 percent alcohol would warm up my legs from the inside out ... They were well-equipped for a day at the races and they wanted to share it all with me. They had a wooden keg of a local beer from Quedlinburg called L?dde. They had Beaujolais wine, champagne, Belgian beer, a wide assortment of strong German liquors, a local cheese called Maroilles, chunks of paté, and piles of baguettes.On another stage:
Then like a bear to honey, my eyes zoomed in on Artisanale la Choulette, a local brewery's booth where I quickly discovered that samples were served in 12-ounce bottles. Beer meister Eric proudly recommended their brown beer. The smooth, smokey yet lightly sweet beer quenched my thirst after a long morning on my feet. [Then] I met Jean-Luc, Marc, and Andre with the Confrerie de l'Andouillette de Cambrai, or the Brotherhood of Sausages. Outfitted in the official brotherhood garb, they grilled spicy sausages for Tour spectators. I perfect lunch to compliment my long gone Choulette.Living vicariously through the online journals of Tour fans and riders has been a staple of my last two week's existence. At Kathy's page you can find six other journals listed across the top. They range from a current rider to writers to commentators to master mechanics. Over at VeloNews you can find the online diaries of current Tour riders Tyler Hamilton and Magnus Bäckstedt.
Man In Superman Costume Attacks Motorists: "Police say a 21-year-old man dressed as Superman attacked some motorists in Ann Arbor early Sunday."
I'm sort of disappointed he wasn't wearing a Batman costume. But that would be a whole 'nother story...
The Associated Press reports: "A man was arrested on his 23rd birthday after a police officer saw him nude and covered with nacho cheese from a pool snack bar." Read the rest for all the cheesy details...
The great James Lileks writes: "I can’t go somewhere to give a speech and pocket 30 grand."
Give it time, James. Give it
