Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysAfter careful consideration, (and thanks to everyone for their advice), I am now an official staffer at The New York Post.
I have to say in the years I've newspapering, this has been the most fun I've had since I was the design editor at my college newspaper (which was probably the most fun I've ever while getting paid).
I got fired from my last job at Newsweek about a year ago. The first time that ever happened to me. But to be honest, I would have fired me too. I was very unhappy there, and in retrospect, it was obvious I was never going to regain the joy of work there.
David asked me once, if I could go back in a time machine and prevent myself from getting fired, would I do it?
My immediate answer was no. That Dave, he's smart fella.
Anyhow, getting fired sucks. But getting a great job working with great people is well... great!
On Thursday, February 10, 2005, at the Hilton Hotel, Downtown Minneapolis, Shock Jock Hugh Hewitt will be debating Peter Beinart of the New Republic on the future of the Democrat Party. The debate is the lastest "Patriot Forum" sponsored by Hugh's Minneapolis affiliate, 1280 AM "The Patriot."
So how is The Patriot plugging this event? By suggesting to guys that tickets to the event would be the perfect Valentine's Day gift.
Now, I'm not an expert on women. Not even close. But tickets to see Hugh for Valentine's Day? Trust me, you do that, you're in trouble. There's gonna be a fight. A long one. And you'll lose.
Geez.
What a nightmare a Kerry victory would have been:
"It is hard to say that something is legitimate when whole portions of the country can't vote and doesn't vote...I believe the world is less safe today than it was two and a half years ago." -- Senator John Kerry
""The Iraqi people, despite the fact that these threats and blood on the streets, they bought their freedom and they paid heavily in treasure and in blood...Millions of Iraqis are taking the responsibility now of fighting terrorism and the undemocratic, the dark forces." -- President George Bush
Well, I just hit my 1000th download from the iTunes Music Store. Fortunately, track #1000 wasn't one of those free hip-hop samplers they put out every month or so. Actually, it was a 1000 to be proud of: "Three Imaginary Boys" by The Cure. One of my favorite songs, actually, with the whompin-est post-punk guitar solo ever. Yes, I already had the song, but I was buying the new "Deluxe Edition" of the album that comes with 19 previously unreleased bonus tracks. Did you hear me? PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED BONUS TRACKS!!!!
Yes, cassette-recorded live versions and bad demo recordings that should have never seen the light of day are now AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD from the fine folks at Apple. This is stuff that puts the crap on those three Beatles "Anthology" records to shame. Low-Fi classics such as "Heroin Face", previously available ONLY on the CASSETTE edition of "Concert: The Cure Live". Oh, and it includes a really early version of "Boys Don't Cry" (from the same cassette) that proves that Robert Smith doesn't HAVE to sing all whiny-like, he does it because he WANTS to.
Coming soon (not a joke): Two-disc re-releases of "Seventeen Seconds" and "Faith" - the latter contains the 20-minute drunken instrumental, "Carnage Visors", which was previously available (again) only on the cassette version of "Faith", and the former containing the two tracks from Cure alter-ego Cult Hero. Oh, how long has it been since I dragged a needle over the scratchy vinyl tones of Cult Hero's mega-hit, "I Dig You"?
Yes, I will buy them both. I can't help myself.
Yes, it's true! Professional Hockey is coming to Northern California. In Stockton.
Stockton. Stockton? About 30-45 minutes south of Sacramento.
An ECHL franchise. There ain't much else there, but who cares, there's hockey. So a hearty Northern California welcome to the Atlantic City Boardwalk Bullies!
Screw the NHL. We got hockey in Stockton! Hell, at least it ain't Modesto.
I only attended grade school for one year in California, but it was in the mid-70's, I was in 4th grade, and I learned a huge amount that year. Math, history, science--every subject was interesting. All of the teachers were proud that they were part of the best school system in the nation.
No more. California schools are terrible, and a physics professor at UCSD told me in 1990 that he got a better education in the inner city in Los Angeles (at a predominently black school; he is also black) when he was young than kids where getting at La Jolla High School now. I believe that. There are a few kids who still manage to get a good education (with the help of advanced placement classes) but most do not.
An editorial in the Press-Enterprise doesn't make me any more optimistic that improvement is in sight. This isn't primarily a fiscal problem: the core philosophies of what K-12 education should be are flawed, but protected rigidly by the teachers unions. Until that problem is addressed, most of the kids are going to be left behind to face a terrible, sub-educated life as Boxer voters.
Hugh is considering new designs for his site (finally!). None of them seem that exciting, but I suppose Sample 1 is the best (for fun, try to figure out the difference between Sample 1 and Sample 3. What's that? That isn't fun to you?).
But I am puzzled that he hasn't considered bright yellow in any of his designs.
(By the way, I have noticed some conservatives starting to embrace the color red, from the famed red-state, blue-state maps. I oppose this. In the first place, the main stream media just chose those colors because red was the color of communism, and so assigning it to the Democrats might, uh, color voter perceptions. Second, red still is the color of communism. And third, I don't much like red. I say in 2008, the Republicans should have a new color. How about bright yellow?)
Lefties from coast-to-coast have bemoaned the "crushing of dissent" in "AsKKKrofts' AmeriKa", parading through the streets in broad daylight, complaining that the Bush administration is silencing them. There is a priceless photo of some moonbat walking through the streets of Washington, D.C., with duct tape over her mouth protesting the Administration's silencing of her right to speak. On Inauguration Day. In the middle of the street.
Yeah, right.
Oh, if only that were true. Maybe some dissent does need to be silenced?
From the Washington Post today (1/23/05):
In "Code Names: Deciphering U.S. Military Plans, Programs, and Operations in the 9/11 World," Arkin discloses and briefly defines 3,000 military code names.
Some of them are still classified. Each one represents a discrete dot in the ever-growing clandestine world of Delta Force and SEAL commandos, of spy satellites and electronic worldwide eavesdropping. Once fleshed out and connected, Arkin hopes, the dots will reveal the invisible world where billions of dollars have been spent to fight terrorism after Sept. 11, 2001, without the scantest of public debates.
Ya think? Some are still classified? I wonder why? Might they refer to ongoing operations?
"You either believe in democracy or you don't," said Arkin, the author of 10 other books and a columnist, military analyst and former Army intelligence officer who now works out of an office in Vermont. "There's no question that the fundamental problem that led to 9/11 was compartmentalization and secrecy -- government agencies hoarding information as power and not communicating with one another, even at the highest level."
Oh, I see. He believes in democracy. Sort of like al Queda's number one guy in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Iraq believes in democracy?
We have declared a fierce war on this evil principle of democracy and those who follow this wrong ideology. Anyone who tries to help set up this system is part of it.
The WaPo's puff piece tries to play down any possible ramifications of this clown's disclosures in his book, but then discusses several that are still current. And least you think these are just "names":
• West Wing, which refers to two remote air bases in Jordan that the U.S. military has used extensively for Special Operations aircraft, including A-10s, and for the 1,400 Special Operations personnel who poured into the country before the United States invaded Iraq in 2003. The bases have become the hubs for clandestine U.S. military counterterrorism operations in the Middle East, Arkin's book says.
A spokesman for the Jordanian Embassy said she could not comment on the matter.
Yep, now we got the Jordanians in hot water (possibly) with their neighbors. There's more.
Why is it that people like Philip Agee and this Arkin clown feel that they can take it upon themselves to "protect" democracy? And maybe in the process get people killed (like Agee did with several CIA agents). Is there anything more "undemocratic" than making yourself the sole arbiter of what is right a just?
Speaking for myself, I don't need to know these code names. I don't want to. I suspect most Americans don't either. But Mr. Arkin and his publisher know better, because they believe in democracy.
Johnny Carson's death made me sadder than I would have expected. He was a great entertainer, and even more impressive, he retired with grace. When I did think about him, it was comforting to picture him golfing, or enjoying himself at his huge estate. I hope he got to do a lot of what he wanted in his later years.
I didn't realize that damn French plane can carry between 800 and 900 passengers.
Not an original thought, but have the U.S. companies steered clear from such super liners for any particluar reason? Besides the fact that most airports can't handle planes this large (which is, of course, a real concern), or that travel patterns have changed.
What if one of these suckers crashes? 900 people dead in one crash? What airline or aerospace company wants that?
I dunno, just a thought.
I just got back from a week of training. The teacher was awful, so the class was awful.
But the worst part of the trip was the virtual electronic black hole I found myself in. I just let my dial-up Internet access account lapse because it has been so easy for me to get broadband access from my hotels lately, but this one didn't have it. Rats! No problem, I think, I'll just check e-mail & such from class. Wrong! The training room we were in was completely isolated. And we had dinner appointments every night, so I couldn't even hole up at a Starbucks for an hour or two.
I was left with my Treo 650, so I was able to get my e-mail, periodically clean out the comment SPAM here on Infinite Monkeys, and (oh yeah) call home. It got me by, but I'm sure glad to be home and jacked back into the Matrix...
Well, looks like James got his Mac Mini today. I just bought a 20" G5 iMac for Mrs. Monkey, Ook, and Eek a few months ago, so I wasn't going to be able to buy that particular new toy. However, Santa brought me (well, sent FedEx anyway) a few things today anyway:
iPod Shuffle 1GB
iLife '05
iWork '05
GarageBand Jam Pack 4
The iPod Shuffle is way cool. Tiny little thing. I'm just starting to fiddle with the auto-loading right now. More news later...
UPDATE: I charged my iPod Shuffle, then at midnight I started it playing back continuous loop into a pair of headphones. It's now after noon and the battery charge indicator just switched from "Green" to "Yellow."
I think this just might make Monkey RobbL's head spin entirely off his body and roll across the floor.
The Shock Jock had my favorite writer on, Peter Robinson, author of How Ronald Reagan Changed My Life, to discuss his reaction to Bush's inaugural address. Peter's reaction was decidedly different from Hugh's, (and quite a few other GOP'ers as well). Unfortunately, Peter's reaction to the address was probably justified: "He Makes Me Nervous."
Bush is a big government Republican, and his Inaugural Address was "in almost no way that of a conservative. TTo the contrary. It amounted to a thoroughgoing exaltation of the state."
Was this a "conservative" speech? A speech that sets as the theme of the Administration's domestic policy a "broader definition of liberty?" As Robinson is rightly nervous about, Bush cited "as useful precedents the Homestead Act, the Social Security Act, and the G. I. Bill? Compare what Bush said today with the inaugural address of Lyndon Baines Johnson and the first inaugural address of Ronald Reagan and you'll find that Bush sounds much, much more like LBJ."
This view was pretty compelling, until Hugh bullied and cajoled him into backing down a little. Hugh even had me persuaded. Until he called Lincoln a conservative.
Hugh Hewitt argued to Peter that Abe Lincoln was a "conservative" Republican. Now, unlike RobbL, I admire President Lincoln and think he was one of our greatest Presidents. Right up there with Mallard Fillmore. But Lincoln a "conservative"? That's just wacky.
Unless we've redefined conservative as meaning "big government" or strong central government at the expense of the states. Is that what we mean now?
UPDATE: Sure enough, after being bullied by Hugh, Robinson recants his criticism of the Address. (I still think he was right to criticize the big government domestic policy aspects of it.)
From the Bellflower, California, Municipal Code (Section 11-2, Subsection 11-2-1)
"No person shall operate or maintain or cause to be operated or maintained, any premise so as to permit the breeding or harboring therein or thereon of flies. No person shall permit on his premises the accumulation of any material that is breeding flies. (Ord. #115, § 1)"
"Harboring" Flies?
This fromThe Scotsman today.
The EuroWeasels (a.k.a., the "European Commission") have told Tsunami struck Thailand that it must buy six A380 Airbus aircraft if it wants to escape the tariffs against its fishing industry.
Bunch a sweethearts, ain't they? Ya just gotta love the EU.
City of Sound has a provocative piece on the implications of shuffle play.
(hat tip: Scrubbles.)
Today's Bleat contains this paragraph:
I love some bustle. I prefer to commute to the bustle, however, not be embustled 24-7. Myriad options are nice, but I suspect that 84% of these options consist of “ethnic food, readily available,” and the other 12% are made up of museums and concerts most urban dwellers rarely have time to attend.Wait a second: 84+12=96! What's the other 4% that Lileks is refusing to talk about?
I bet it's something dirty.
When does illegal immigration become an invasion?
When it is sponsored by another government?
Monkey David links to an article describing the Mexican government's new, easy "how to" book on how to illegally enter the United States without getting caught. Naturally, Mexico insists that the comic book is merely a "safety guide." Of course it offers no guidance on legal immigration, so take that disclaimer for what it is: a lie.
The editorial in the Riverside Press Enterprise rightly notes that Mexico needs to export its populace to the U.S. in order to serve as a source of income. I part company with the editorial, however, in its call for the U.S. and Mexican government's to work together. There is no incentive for President Fox to cooperate - and the massive amount of money returning to Mexico only encourages more aggressive efforts to export his populace - until President Bush shows a willingness to enforce the law and control the borders. So far, Bush has shown that he does not have the will to address an issue that over 60% of the American public believes very strongly about. Other than to kick open the door just a little further.
Thanks to Rick Barnes for the direct link to the "comic" book itself.
From MichaelW.Net:
What's the oldest file you have? I have files going back to 1983. Believe it or not, some of these files still exist on 5.25" floppies. Clearly the files still on floppy are not valuable. Some somewhat more desirable files were on 9 track tape for a while and then migrated to some other (far less standard) tape format and died there.
Over time I have reached the following conclusion. Tape drives and other backup media (including CD-R and DVD-R) are for IT deptartments to backup corporate data. Even with the ubiquity of CD drives, I don't trust any medium that isn't constantly being verified, used, copied, etc. I still do make archive discs of important files but that is as much conservative paranoia as anything else. I consider those discs to be the absolute last resort, not my primary backup.
I have been through two nasty data loss experiences. The first was a stupid pilot error. I was the pilot. I got tripped up by the Mac's confirmation dialog that is the exact opposite of Windows. The Mac OS moves the buttons around when the default is changed (e.g. Are you sure you want to format your drive No (default) Yes). My muscle memory clicked on the right hand button and started formatting.
The second was when a $0.15 fan failed on an external hard drive. There was no diagnostic and no clue and after a while, no drive. It made a nasty grinding noise and died.
In both cases, I had only random backups. I suck at doing backups. Everyone does. I was able to recover the data. It wasn't cheap but it was worth it. If you need to recover a drive (hardware failure, software failure, human failure), these guys do a great job and charge a fair price. Most of the other recovery companies I called left me wanting to washing my hands after talking to them. Data Recovery Net have fair flat rate pricing (i.e. flat by drive size) and don't charge for the estimate. The first time I recovered data I had to pay for the "analysis" and then the recovery. From the analysis it was abundently clear that they had recovered all my data in no time and were just trying to see how much I would pay to actually get it.
Since then I've changed my tune.
My home server has dual 40GB drives with a hardware RAID 1 configuration and a 70GB drive that is used for the OS and scratch space. Furthermore, the mirrored drives are synchronized with a remote system (at my Dad's house). You could put a bullet through one of the hard drives and I wouldn't lose a bit. My entire house could be sucked into the earth and unless it took my Dad's house with it, I wouldn't lose much.
The synchronization process to my Dad's house is a pain. My cable ISP has recently started blocking HTTP and now SMB (the windows file sharing protocol). This sucks. While I understand the desire to block http, it's rude to block file sharing.
I've been looking at backup and synchronization software. I've heard good things about Dantz Retrospect and I was pleasantly surprised by Smart Sync Pro. There's something to be said for simple file system synchronization. You don't need any special software to use the recovered files. Some of that is of course because I don't care about recovering the OS, apps, or other crap. Just don't lose my digital pics.
Need help crossing the border? The Mexican government is ready to help, with a comic book. In the words of the dearly departed Dave Barry, I'm not making this up.
I wonder if they will put out a version in Arabic?
P.S. Easy registration required for that link. There's three levels of registration: easy, moderate (Press-Enterprise) and incredibly annoying (Minneapolis StarTribune).
This Press-Enterprise editorial (registration required, but worth it, because we'll be linking there a lot) is dead on in asking just what the hell the Education Department was thinking in giving money to Armstrong Williams (the PE doesn't use those exact words, of course).
Hugh Hewitt is trying to say what Daily Kos did is just as bad. Maybe, in a sense (bloggers shouldn't take money from interest groups without disclosing it fully--that is, if they was anyone to keep reading them). But taking money from a political campaign is a far cry from receiving it from the Administration. Or, put another way, the Dean campaign certainly did nothing wrong, but the Education Department did.
What a great question. Try to use it in a conversation this week. Really, it's going to be this year's, "Welcome to the O.C., bitch!"
James Taranto comments on this hilarious exchange:
Scarborough: Is there a liberal bias in the media or is the bias towards getting the story first and getting the highest ratings, therefore, making the most money?Taranto doesn't mention this, but the biggest flaw in this logic is that the people who are really closest to the story--that is, the subjects of the story--are often the ones screaming the loudest about bias.Hugh Downs: Well, I think the latter, by far. And, of course, when the word liberal came to be a pejorative word, you began to wonder, you have to say that the press doesn't want to be thought of as merely liberal.
But people tend to be more liberated in their thought when they are closer to events and know a little more about what the background of what's happening. So, I suppose, in that respect, there is a liberal, if you want to call it a bias. The press is a little more in touch with what's happening.
And that's one reason blogging is such a revolutionary movement. Now, instead of scribblers who may have a communication or journalism degree trying to report stories, we have--on any topic you can think of--a blogger somewhere who has expertise, and who can explain the real facts of the story. And, yes, bloggers have biases, but they wear them on their sleeves, and are thus free to explain both sides of the argument better. It really is a revolution.
Finally, some good news out of Washington: The Supreme Court has decided the current congressional sentencing guidelines for federal crimes should be considered "advisory" and not "mandatory."
The Volokh folks have written a bunch of stuff that I don't even begin to understand about this opinion, but it APPEARS that perhaps in the hands of reasonable judges, some of these ridiculous mandatory minimum sentences will carry less weight.
Anyway, the federal justice department doesn't like it, so that's a pretty sure sign that it's a good decision.
Roger Ebert writes one of the more disgusting examples of what I call "Blue Blindness," in a preview for an upcoming movie:
CSA: Confederate States of AmericaEbert isn't stupid, and it's remarkable how low he goes here--evidence, I think, of how the "angry left" has let their anger overwhelm all sense of reason. If nothing else, you'd expect something more interesting from a writer who lives and works in a state that has just elected to the U.S. Senate a descendent of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
A pseudo-documentary, in the style of Ken Burns' "The Civil War," that examines what might have happened if the Confederacy had prevailed over the Union forces in America's most devisive conflict. Recent history has once again shown us that, although the Commander-in-Chief of one side may declare military triumph and "Mission Accomplished," it is always the losers -- and the losers alone -- who can actually declare when a war is over. Because it's not over until they stop fighting back. Indeed, the apparently defeated may continue their battles indefinitely using unconventional methods, and beyond the officially delineated battlefields. In speculating about a Confederate victory, "CSA" begins to question (as anyone who is at all familiar with the Southeastern Red States probably has) whether, in fact, the American Civil War is truly over, and whether the people of the South (many still as bitter as if General Lee had surrendered yesterday) consider themselves not only the victims of unjustified Union oppression, but (paradoxically) the true political/cultural victors. They may have lost the battle in 1865, but did they win the war in the long run?
You are The Chemist, Dr. Monkeystein's lab assistant. Today your master has decided it's time to exact justice upon a fast devolving society. he has spent many years and sacrificed many lives trying to obtain the nuclear components necessary to adequately power his Ape Ray.
If calculations are correct, the activated Ape Ray should fire a current that will turn every living person on the face of the earth into apes within a matter of seconds.
You stand on a mountaintop and watch Dr. Monkeystein lift up a snifter of Grey Goose vodka and say, "Soon, my Ape Ray will circle the globe! Everyone on the planet will become chimpanzees, gorillas or orangatangs ala the movie "The Planet of the Apes" (the original version, not the hackeyneyed version with Mark Wahlberg)! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
You and the doctor climb all the way down the mountain and steer your hover pod under the riverbed to Dr. Monkeystein's laboratory deep under the surface of the earth. You calibrate the Ape Ray so that tomorrow morning it will be ready to do the jungle boogie.
The End.
(Hat tip: Girls are Pretty.)
There's sure to be a lot of talk about the "irony" of "Fahrenheit 911" and "The Passion of the Christ" winning People's Choice awards.
Aside from the obvious point that it's meaningless (did you vote? Do you know anyone who did?), it's really not that shocking: both movies tell wildly implausible stories.
One just happens to be true.
So CBS drops the hammer on four people after the report comes out on the fabricated Bush National Guard memos. Fair enough.
But why not Rather? If he had any integrity now, he'd resign from CBS - not just retire from the evening news (he is still going to be on 60 Minutes II - where he reported the false memos). But no, he just lets the girsl take the fall for him.
He won't.
Hell, he doesn't even have the guts to do the news tonight.
He's a gutless weasel.
Next Week, only on Infinite Monkeys . . .
Will the Mysterious Redheaded femme fatale finally trap Monkeystein?
Will Monkeystein make more distrubing fashion disclosures?
Or is Monkeystein just a silly, silly goose?
And will Monkey RobbL discover real beer?
Only on Infinite Monkeys.
Congrats again to Powerline, who continue their media omnipresence tonight on The McLaughlin Group. The last segment was titled "The Year of the Blog" and, in addition to Mickey Kaus, the Powerline guys (particularly Scott Johnson) were featured prominently. Tony Blankley fumbled their name, though, referring to them as "Powerblog" when trying to give an example of a good pro-Bush weblog.
As a side note, Peter Beinart is a pompous little twit.
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - The city where pet owners are called pet guardians now wants to mandate exactly how those guardians care for an estimated 110,000 dogs.
According to the ordinance, expected to be approved by the Board of Supervisors Tuesday, water has to be changed at least once a day and served in a non-tipping bowl; food has to be palatable and nutritious; and tethering is highly discouraged as a way of keeping one's dog in the backyard.
If tethering has to be used, however, the law outlines one acceptable type of apparatus, which includes a "pulley-like system" and non-choke collar or "body harness at least 10 feet in length."
"I was reading this, and I thought: Now we're treating dogs better than we treat the homeless," said Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier, who along with Aaron Peskin, dissented when the law passed its first reading this week with an 8-2 vote.
"It's one thing to say you have to have clean water for your dog, another to say you have to have it in a container that won't tip, or if it does, then you have to bolt it to the wall," she said. "I think it's too Big Brother."
But Supervisor Bevan Duffy said the ordinance is intended to give power to animal control officers who cannot effectively punish animal neglect because the law currently does not spell out adequate care.
Duffy sponsored the ordinance at the request of the city's Commission of Animal Control and Welfare, but included an amendment that exempts homeless people who keep dogs on the street with them.
If you haven't been watching the Fark-like developments promoting Hugh Hewitt's new book over at RadioBlogger.com (warning: page is huge-mongous - takes a long time to load), you've been missing some top notch "PhotoShopping." I finally got the inspiration and squeaked one in under the deadline. I hope Duane has the good sense to resize the Monkeys' submission down a bit. I should have done it before sending, but my mind frazzled as the eleventh hour dwindled.
Click the Continue Reading link immediately below to see what InfMonks hath wrought.
I just got a great e-mail from a "Special Projects Coordinator" at the Smile Train. They are a great charity who funds corrective surgery for cleft palates for children around the world, and along with the Heifer Project and Worldvision, got my big donations for December. As I was donating, there was a spot for where I heard about the charity, and I put in Lileks.com.
The e-mail said "Just wondering, you made a mention to someone's website which encouraged you to donate. I'd love to know more. Thank you for the support."
I'll bet. I have a vision of the poor woman going to Lileks.com (that's all the info I gave them--the link above goes right to the relevant Bleat, though), and after spending an hour looking at matchbooks, regrettable food, pictures of Jasper the dog--and thinking "what the heck?"
Of course, she could have just done what I did to track down the right Bleat, and go to Google and type in "lileks smile.train." The Bleat linked above (and the one I sent her) was actually the second listed; the first was this. I didn't want to scare her, though.
So, I'm sitting and having a beer this afternoon at the Native New Yorker (in Arizona, of course) and some yahoos on ESPN were debating "Which pitcher would you rather have start a game for your team, Curt Schilling or Randy Johnson?"
Well, as an Arizonan, my first instinct was to say, "Why do I have to choose? Can't I have both?" but then I remembered that we don't, anymore. Rats. Waiter! Another Sierra Nevada please!
Ahhhh. Much better. Now I'm ready to pontificate.
The answer is, as John McLaughlin would say, Curt Schilling. No debate will be entertained.
That is all.
Things that make you wanna go Huh?
During the Gonzales confirmation hearing, Ted Kennedy talking critically about drowning.
The correct answer is, of course, the first choice.
My good friend Deuce has a little something new on his website: scholarly analysis of a recent answering machine message.
Full disclosure: This link is self-serving, as I contributed a musical analysis of the message. Check out the submissions.
Okay, Hugh Hewitt knows Blogs.
Hugh knows politics.
But folks, Hugh don't know sports. Not now, not ever.
After three solid hours of flogging for Oklahoma he guaranteed- GUARANTEED - that USC would lose the Orange Bowl...
USC 55
OU 19
Tune in tomorrow to see how Hugh spins this USC smackdown. Should be entertaining to say the least. I can hear it now:
"I was for USC before I was against them"
On the downside, rumour has it that Captain Ed of Captain's Quarters feigned illness to avoid live-blogging the Orange Bowl like he did the USC-Irish game. I for one refuse to believe it. Ed would never do that.
Finally, the damn Canucks beat the hated Russkies for the Junior World Cup. Hard to know who to cheer for here. "Les peu de monkers de reddition de manger de fromage" have the support of the curiously Canuck loving Peeps the Elder, yet the Russkies truly are an obnoxious, dirty team.
And yes, Hugh, USC could easily beat the Cleveland Browns. Like a rented mule.
Now if only there was a Hockey season. Bastards.
Drink of Choice: Charles B. Mitchell 2001 Reserve Zinfandel
Yes, Robb, I watched football tonight. On purpose.
In a Bleat last week, James Lileks said
The bad news is that this book project looks as if it’ll extend through next month. The good news is that you’ll have a book to read when I’m done. Trust me: you’ll like it. I like it. The words / pictures ratio is much higher, too. But no, I can’t tell you what it’s about. You will have a forehead-slapping V-8 moment when I do, though.At the time, I instantly thought, "Well, it's matchbooks, of course!" But now he's doing this oddly intriguing Joe Ohio matchbook thing, so maybe that's not it--or maybe it's just to get us all fascinated with matches whether we want to be or not! How diabolical!
Or maybe it's about Minnesota historical buildings, or film noir, or one of his 432 other magnificent obsessions.
But I'm putting my money on matchbooks.
you know what the secret to being me is? Stretch jeans. I wear Levis 518s, which are women's jean, but they fit me better. I find the legs on men's jeans to be too baggy. Whereas the 518s fit my legs just right. Form fitting, super comfortable and I know for a fact that women love me in tight jeans. So it's a no brainer.
I kinda dress like a rock star in a indie band. I have an afro that I keep kinky. Kind of like Lenny Kravitz. People say I look like Laurence Fishburne. I guess that's okay.
Anyhow, the whole of this? I don't like baggy jeans. I'm not into the hip hop look, which is going out of style anyway.
I used to hate leg day. I feared it. Many people do. But then I found that not working your legs is like turning down a free dose of natural steroids. Then I learned to like leg day. I learned to endure the pain, "Sure, it's counterintitive, but this work out isn't just helping to make my leg muscles bigger-- it's making all of my muscles bigger!!!! Give me a dose sweet testosterone leg day! Gimmmeeeeeeeee!!!!! Arggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
[Cue"Enter Sandman" by Metallica, as Dr. Monkeystien begins head banging and flexing his muscles.]
As James mentioned a few days ago, Captain's Quarters is declaring January 12th as World Relief Day.
Don't wait...go there now.
"Rule number one: Never, ever go out with somebody you work with. Unless you are dead."There's nothing I can do Ben, it's over, it's out my control, you are asking too much of me. There is no way I can resist a blue-eyed red-head who also happens an English accent. English accent Ben-- I'm doomed:) Plus throw in the fact that I've been celibate for almost a year, I'm definately doomed. I will do whatever this girl tells me to do. If she told me get on an airplane fly to California shoot you with a hunting rifle, and bury your body in the desert, I'd do it. I'm that smitten. Now, I hope she never asks me to kill you Ben. But if she did, I'm only gonna tell you once: watch your back. You know the power of red-head Ben. They make us crazy.
For the record, any guy who says he has women figured out or is not "dense" when it comes to women is lying.That's true to an extent, but I do have an advantage over other men, and that is I'm a photographer. How is that an advantage? I can read faces. And I can read eyes. It's a weird thing, but I basically see what people are thinking. I read recently they actually have classes where teach people how to do it. And the way I can tell if a woman likes me is by the size of her pupils. And if her pupils get big, my pupils get big.
I never been on a date, except my seiior prom, and I ended up making making out with two other girls who weren't my date. I'm kinda of the opinion that dating is a waste of time. I just sort of live my life as passionately as possible, knowing that life takes care of itself.
I was talking to Ex-Monkey Ben the day, and I more less said that this is happiest I've been in a long time. So it makes sense that suddenly women start popping out of the woodwork. It's a cliche, but the moment you stop looking and become blissfully unaware, that love appears.
Offered without comment:
Effective 2005, in California now, if you are under 18, if you want to use a tanning salon, you will need parental consent. But not if you want an abortion.
I'm gonna be totally honest with you: when it comes to women, I kinda suck. Maybe suck is too strong, how about inept? Yeah, inept that describes the situation perfectly.
I'm single, I live in New York city, I'm educated, and apparently, pretty good looking. The funny thing I never knew that I was good looking until this girl clued me in.
I mentioned before that I'd lost a lot of weight. And since then, girls have been acting very weird around me. I would think to myself, "What's wrong with that girl?!" Not realizing she was flirting with me.
Anyhow, there's this gal here at work, she's been checking me out. She's tried to sly about it, but unfortunately she is not very good at keeping a poker face. Which is just as well, because when it comes to women, I'm dense.
I'll let you guys know if I can actually overcome my denseness and actually go out on a date with her (we've hung out before in a couple of group things).
The newspaper I work at is inconveniently located in Times Square. It's bad enough walking around the area during normal days with tourists gawking and clogging up the sidewalks like white blood cells.
But new years thing takes the whole Times Square thing to another level of massed humanity. It can be nothing short of human herding, with the NYPD serving as the metaphorical shepherds.
It was my unlucky consequence to be a part of the this herding just to get to my favorite Ye Olde Tripple Inn. At a certain points I felt like I was on the famed death march to Bataan, except of course, with dim-witted out-of-towners.
There were moments where I thought, "I just go to the liquor store and buy and bottle of booze and just go home."
But I decided I couldn't beat me, so I trudged 12 blocks out of my way just so I have a vodka tonic in the place where everybody knows name.