Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysEek: Papa, do you know what I like best about Pete's Fish and Chips?
RobbL: What's that, sweetie?
Eek: That it's always you that takes me here.
RobbL: [sniffle]
For a woman who so unequivocally wants to die, she sure is fighting to live.
UPDATE: Not wondering anymore. Good news. She finally had the decency to die. Glad that's over with. From an AP report published in the Boston Herald:
Brother Paul O'Donnell, an adviser to Schiavo's parents, Bob and Mary Schindler, said the parents and their two other children ``were denied access at the moment of her death. They've been requesting, as you know, for the last hour to try to be in there and they were denied access by Michael Schiavo. They are in there now, praying at her bedside.''
This one amused me for some reason:
 | You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.
Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
One of the things I found amusing was the affirmative assertion that Jesus, being God, was NOT a prophet nor a historical figure. This completely misrepresents Christianity, of course. Jesus Christ, in orthodox (little "o") Christian doctrine is all three - God in human form, a prophet, and a historical figure.
Silly quizmaster.
My heart goes out to Terry Schiavo and her family. What is happening in Florida is horrible. Despicable.
Because of this, I hesitated to write this post, because it's not about right and wrong, it's about politics. What the "judges" in Florida have done is wrong (both morally and legally), but what the federal politicians have done is plain stupid.
Congress and the President both have options at their disposal to intervene in this case, if they actually had the will to do so. Some may say it's none of the Federal government's business. I might actually agree with those people. But if you're going to get involved, then for Pete's sake be prepared to actually accomplish something. Instead, the (primarily Conservative/Republican) folks who are "in charge" simply engage in symbolic gestures and hand-wringing, pretending to "try" to stop the killing, but stopping short of actually saving this woman.
Why is that stupid? Because the collective histrionics of the right, coupled with ineffective intervention, cause this issue to become more than a legal "hole" that Terry has unfortunately and tragically fallen through. It becomes, instead, a massive symbolic loss for the pro-life movement. So we get the worst of both worlds: Terry Schiavo dies horribly, and the political failure sets a precedent which will allow others to be killed elsewhere with less resistance.
Seriously, one of my co-workers is (believe it or not) in Kyrgyzstan right now. Hopefully, this will be a vacation he will remember for many years to come.
Get home safe, Mike!
UPDATE: Mike just sent me an e-mail after (finally) arrive home safely. He was right there in the thick of things, so I'm looking forward to hearing about his adventure.PepsiCo, whose 36-pack of Mountain Dew claims, "36 Pack! 50% more than 24 Pack!"
With Easter approaching, I'd like to share a happy little Easter story from my childhood.
Many, many, many years ago, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I was sent off to "camp" for the Easter holiday.
It was a beautiful Easter Sunday morning. About 9:00 am. A couple of the camp counselors (who were probably all of 20 years old themselves) took a bunch of the little kids (all under 7 years old) on a hike in the hills. (It actually was uphill and downhill, so it qualifies as a "hike", not a "walk.")
While on this Easter Morning hike, one of the counselors stepped on a baby bunny. Yep, stepped on a bunny. On Easter Sunday. With a hiking boot.
Well, the poor crushed baby bunny was carried back to camp, where the counselors tried to save him (probably by staring intently at the bunny while he died), surrounded by a mob of crying a screaming five year olds who were convinced that the bunny was the Easter Bunny and that he was going to die.
Well, he did. The Bunny died. Right before our very eyes, on Easter Sunday, this group of little kids witnessed the tragic, horrible demise of the Easter Bunny.
The funeral was spectacular. An empty milk carton served as the coffin for the Dead Bunny. I had the honor of painting a cross on a flat rock on the side of a hill to mark the final resting place of the Easter Bunny.
Rest Well, Oh Easter Bunny. You died well and honorably.
So there you go. The Easter Bunny is dead. I know, I was there and I saw it.
So Happy Easter kids!
In what has become an ongoing quest to find the world's biggest asshole, we go across the pond to Great Britain and find this guy:
When Carol Jewell donated a kidney to save her dying husband, the operation was such a success that he felt like a new man. Unfortunately for her, he also felt like a new woman.
When he recovered from his ordeal he left his wife of more than 30 years and ran off with a lover.
That's right kids, his wife of 33 years gives him a kidney, saves his life at the risk of her own, and he leaves her after he recovers.
Obviously, the transplant took:
But after Mr Jewell recovered from the operation he met Marilyn Edmeades, a Conservative candidate on neighbouring Bracknell council, and began an affair.
Yep, he began the affair after his wife risked her life for him. Ain't he wonderful? [Aside note: I knew the Tories were a mess, but this is ridiculous. Least this turn into a political debate, he was a Liberal party elected official.]
Right about now, you're thinking "golly, this guy sounds like he might actually be an asshole." But wait, there's more:
Even when his wife discovered that she had breast cancer, it made no difference and the senior technician left to start a new life in Sherborne, Dorset. He also resigned from his post on the council.
So a woman in her 50's gives up a kidney to her husband, gets cancer, and her husband leaves her. And you thought you were having a bad day?
The Telegraph leaves out this tidbit from Ananova:
John Jewell, 53, of Woodley, Berks, has left wife of 33 years Carol to move in with her brother's wife.
I guess it's a good thing they don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Great Britain. That would be one hell of a awkward family gathering.
Hat tip: Unlike some people who get all their news from Saturday Night Live and the Daily Show, I get mine listening to the The Bob & Tom Show.
Economics. The hardcore Oakland A's fan reads Moneyball by Michael Lewis, and suddenly he's an amatuer economist: "Y'know, I think McDonald's Big Macs are totally overvalued-- I think I'm going to get a carne asada burrito from Humberto's instead."
Jessica Alba. The hardcore Oakland A's fan is totally obsessed with the actress Jessica Alba. They talk to you until thety are blue in the face about how "Dark Angel" was a totally underrated TV show. About how they should have had morer dancing scenes in that movie "Honey." How they already have their ticket reserved for film version of "The Fantastic Four."
Nick Swisher. The hardcore Oakland A's fan is totally obsessed RF Nick Swisher, and to a lesser extent C Jeremy Brown. They have up-to-minute stats on his OBP, AVG, AND HBPs (And if you don't know what any of those mean, you're no t a hardcore A's fan.)
Barry Zito's two-seamer. The hardcore Oakland A's fan is totally obsessed with Barry Zito's two-seamer. The hardcore Oakland A's fan knows that the two-seamer has become a nice weapon for Barry, mainly because it gives him some downward movement. His four-seamer moves, too, but it runs more than it sinks. And when you need a two-ball, you want sink. Because sink induces double plays. Damn straight.
Tim Hudson. The hardcore Oakland A's fan gets a little weepy when he talks about Tim Hudson. So, the hardcore Oakland A's fan doesn't talk about Tim too much.
Grey Goose vodka. The hardcore Oakland A's fan likes his Grey Goose vodka.
Soft-core porn. The hardcore Oakland A's fan likes his porn to have a little plot.
Bill Hicks. The hardcore Oakland A's fan knows that comedian Bill Hicks was a modern-day prophet cut down unjustly in the flower of his youth.
The Bash Brothers. The hardcore Oakland A's fan still has the poster from when he was a kid, even though his wife, cruelly and unjustly in his mind, won't let him hang it in thier bedroom.
Billy Beane. The hardcore Oakland A's fan is totally obsesed with Oakland A's GM Billy Beane. He frequently asks himself throughout the day, "What would Billy Beane do in this situation? Answer: Billy Beane would get the two-ply toilet paper. Yes, that's what he'd do."
I haven't watched a single episode of the ESPN series Tilt, but Phil over at TeeVee reminded me of something that occurred to me when I happened to see the previews for it:
Michael Madsen is the poor man's Mickey Rourke.
Yes, just as Mark Harmon was the poor man's Kevin Costner, and Don Johnson was the even poorer man's Mark Harmon, Michael is the low-rent Mickey. If you need someone to play a filthy drug-addled scumbag for your movie, and Rourke can't make the gig because, well, he IS a filthy drug-addled scumbag, then Madsen's your guy.
Over and out.
Today's Bleat is chock-full of cheap thrills for a person like me:
1. He's got a cute daughter who says fun things. Hey - I'VE got a couple of cute daughters who say fun things. When they're not saying really disturbing things.
2. Gnat wants to come to Arizona because of the weather. Hey - I live in Arizona! I wore shorts today. In fact, I've worn shorts ever since the rain stopped about 10 days ago. And only partly because I'm too fat to fit in my long pants.
3. He made a Cthulhu joke. While making fun of Stanley Kubrick. Cool.
4. His iPod Shuffle has "See No Evil" by Television on it. Cool.
Yep, it's that time of year again.
Monday, March 21, it's the Annual Testicle Festival in Oakdale, California, sponsored by the Cowboy Museum.
The sport (of calf roping) evolved from real life ranch work When a calf needed to be cared for, a couple of cowboys would go out, they'd brand him, they'd castrate him and they'd medicate him. But it was the part removed from the bull that interested Jerrold.
(Jerrold being one of the "famous" cowboys in the Cowboy Museum. Aren't famous cowboys supposed to be dead?)
"I used to have a little salt and pepper shaker in my pocket and while we took a rest and let the other guys rope in the corral, I would go get a couple of those testicles and put them on the fire and when they got nice and cooked I just put a little salt and pepper on them and would eat 'em," says Jerrold.
There's no drinking involved? He did this sober?
So it's a cowboy tradition, eating these all-beef nuggets. And the Oakdale festival is a 22-year-old tradition that raises money for the cowboy museum and other good causes. All thanks to people who are also interested in that unique cuisine.
But how are they prepared? Well, the first step is to skin them and marinate them overnight. Here's festival president Lee Scaief's recipe:
"Wine and basil and garlic," he says. "And then we take them the next morning, we bread them. Then we take the breaded material and deep fry it. We also add bay leaf, rosemary, garlic and we steam them. And after that, they are very, very good."
Sounds delicious, huh?
The Oakdale Testicle Festival. March 21, 2005. Oakdale, Calif.
Seems rye whiskey is making a comeback. Thank God. The best Manhattans are made with rye, because it isn't as sweet as bourbon. For mixing, you can't go wrong with Old Overholt, which is reasonably priced and readily available. Of course, good rye can be consumed neat or on the rocks. Try Michter's. (Try the bourbon, too.)
Question for those of you who get your news from someplace other than just Saturday Night Live and The Daily Show:
When did Rush Limbaugh get divorced (again) and start dating some chick from CNN? Or did I misunderstand the joke from this week's SNL opening sketch?
The New York Times takes a cue from the left-wing blogs and writes that "[u]nder the Bush administration, the federal government has aggressively used a well-established tool of public relations: the prepackaged, ready-to-serve news report that major corporations have long distributed to TV stations to pitch everything from headache remedies to auto insurance." It takes eleven graphs for the paper to note that "[t]he practice, which also occurred in the Clinton administration..."
Yes, well, let's note here that the Clinton administration was five years ago. Note also that Hugh has nothing to say here about the practice. Although he has before... sort of. Can we all agree that this sort of thing is weasely? No? That's OK. Southern California's reliably conservative Press-Enterprise (where ex-Monkey Ben now toils in obscurity) has weighed in on Bush and Schwarzenegger. It's not a left-right thing. It's a question of common decency... and respect for the electorate. Taxpayer funds shouldn't be used to push material that looks like "news." Is that so hard to understand?
Man, I love iTunes Music Store. I've downloaded 636 songs since January -- which includes several albums, so probably a bit less than $636 worth. I was looking over my purchased music list just now, and I found some odd things, based on purchase order:
First song downloaded: The Lounge Fly Mix, by U2
Last song downloaded: As Time Goes By, by Merle Haggard
Of those 636 songs, here are a few other numbers:
50th song downloaded: Maria Elena, by Ry Cooder
100th song downloaded: Gin Soaked Olive, by the Civil Tones
150th song downloaded: Efilnikufesin (N.F.L.), by Anthrax
200th song downloaded: Balls to the Wall, by Accept
250th song downloaded: Cook's County, by the Who
300th song downloaded: The Union Forever, by White Stripes
350th song downloaded: Turn Turn Turn, by Toadsuck Symphony
400th song downloaded: Southern California Purples, by Chicago
450th song downloaded: Hot Shit, by Quasi (bought the whole album; liked "Drunken Tears")
500th song downloaded: I Wonder, by Willowz (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Soundtrack)
550th song downloaded: Singing Zoo, by the Peter Thomas Sound Orchester
600th song downloaded: Nesbitt's Lime Soda, by Negativland
What this says, I don't know. I suspect it means my musical tastes are at best promiscuous, and at worst... well, the worst.
Here's something you'd rather not hear from your seven-year-old daughter:
"Thanks for the advice, dad, but I'd rather just kill myself."
The explanation:
Playing Super Mario 64, Eek wants to get out of the current game and play a "different" Mario that has earned more magic castle stars. Her idea is to cause Mario to jump to his death until she runs out of lives, then select the game she wants from the main menu.
I suggest that she can get to the main menu quicker by simply pressing the reset button. She does this, but then utters the above phrase.
As a testimony to my parental freakishness, my first thought when I heard her say that was how funny that would look if I published it on Infinite Monkeys with no explanation of the context.
Some people are (finally) recognizing the political threat to the GOP from the refusal to address the complete absence of any real effort to control our open borders.
Speaking for myself, I am not inclined to listen to any talk about amnesty or "normalization" of immigrant status (Semantics. Would someone explain the difference to me?) until the government first shows me that it is serious about protecting the borders. Not just talk. Not just promises. But real solutions. Just like taxes and spending. Don't talk to me about tax increases until the government actually makes real efforts to control spending.
The threat to Republican unity is real. If the President moves too quickly on amnesty ("normalization"?), without addressing the porous state of our borders, conservatives may well close their wallets and stay home during the upcoming mid-term elections, and leave room to the GOP's right flank for an astute candidate like Hillary Clinton to exploit.
More importantly, the threat to America's security is real. It takes no imagination to recognize that the current state of border (northern and southern) security constitutes a threat to our security. Millions cross the border every month. Millions of dollars worth of illegal narcotics cross as well. Thousands of hardened criminals cross as well. Do we really think that terrorists do not? Does our government? Most Americans recognize this and are probably at a loss to understand why their government absolutely refuses to do anything about it.
So let's talk about "normalization" of immigration status. But after we act to protect ourselves.
Today is the one year anniversary of the Northern Alliance Radio Network in Minnesota's Twin Cities on AM1280 The Patriot. Also broadcast live over the Web (apparently, unless you are Monkey RobbL and use a Mac. Bummer.)
Congratulations guys, and good job.
From today's Fresno (CA) Bee:
Police arrested a substitute teacher accused of smoking marijuana with students during class at Fresno High School on Tuesday.
Christopher Bochin, 22, of Fresno was substituting for a ninth-grade earth science class when he had two students go to his car and get marijuana and a pipe, police said. Bochin and six or seven of the students from a class of 30 then smoked from the pipe.
Honestly, Dude, how stupid do you have to be to be starting you career as a teacher and get stoned with a bunch of Ninth graders? Maybe this is just Darwin in action. Thankfully.
But the future is not so bright you gotta wear shades at Fresno High.
The district is interviewing students from the four other classes that Bochin taught Tuesday to find out whether anything improper went on. Bochin had been substituting for the district since October but had never worked at Fresno High.
"Improper?" Umm, he was getting stoned with a bunch of Ninth graders? Improper? Ya think?
Ironically, today is aparently the anniversary of Alexander Graham Bell's "Watson, come here, I need you" first telephone transmission.
. . . a teacher in another class confiscated a student's cell phone and read a text message from a student in Bochin's class describing what was going on.
Alexander Graham Bell. Narc?
If you live in California and you do not read the Claremont Institute's "Local Liberty" blog, you suck*. The best inside-California Politics blog anywhere.
Well, at least in the blogosphere.
As opposed to those blogs not in the blogoshpere...?
Go there now.
* I recognize that the scholars at the Claremont Institute may not appreciate the tone of that heart-felt endorsement.
Jason Snell can't leave well enough alone.
Along with everyoine else that works for my government agency, I was compelled to attend the mandatory "sexual harassment and work place discrimination prevention traning" today. The class itself was, of course, tedious. Most of it consisted of the typical clap-trap we've heard over the last few years, but one point made by our instructor was rather disconcerting.
She was telling us how, in 1973, military veterans were added as a "protected class" to the discrimination laws, explaining the it was done during the Vietnam Era because of the way the returning veterans were treated at the time (spat upon, verbally abused, insulted, etc.). She contrasted that with the way they are treated today (welcomed by news cameras at the airports, etc.)
The she said something to the effect of "I'm not saying one way is right or one way is wrong, just that it is different."
Horseshit.
Calling vets baby killers and spitting on them is wrong. Was then too.
Some value judgments are okay, I think.
I can't believe I almost missed this story from that bastion of journalistic integrity, the Weekly World News:
The classic puzzle about whether an infinite number of monkeys typing for an infinite period of time would type a Shakespeare play has been answered in the affirmative. Researchers at the Raleigh Institute near Manchester, England, announced that the monkeys in their lab produced a perfect version of "Romeo and Juliet."Really, read the whole thing. It's even better than the classic "Hundreds Flee Demon Donkey" story from 1985.
...
Ripshaw assembled 5,000 monkeys and an equal number of typewriters. The monkeys were rewarded with bananas every time they filled up a page with letters."Ninety-nine percent of it was nonsense," Ripshaw says. "But one of the monkeys put up a blog on the Internet, and it has a big following."
(Hat tip: Mike the Librarian.)
An interesting article on the monkeysphere.
(Hat tip: Tao of Dowingba)
Yep.
Do ya like bacon? Does bacon taste good? Well, now apparently, there is "Bacon Whores."
At BaconWhores, Inc., we are passionate about our work. We believe that there are few things in life better than a warm plate of bacon. That is why we ensure that our customers are served only the finest quality meats from the highest rated producers, all personally tasted by the founders.
But how do it work?
"Use our simple reservation system to schedule your appointment when you want it, and select the type and quantity of bacon."
An appointment? For what?
When your appointment comes, a specially-trained BaconWhores expert will arrive, ready to cook bacon. You don't even need your own cooking facilities - our experts bring along all the equipment they need.
A specially trained bacon who expert? Honestly, how cool is that?
Within twenty minutes of her arrival, our expert will have a piping hot plate of bacon for you to eat. You never knew bacon could taste this good.
No, I never did.
Monkey cap tip: The Bob and Tom Show.
(I have no idea if this site is real. One can only hope.)
From USA Today:
NEW YORK (AP) — The right to name a new species of monkey sold Thursday for $650,000 in an online auction, with the funds going to protect the Bolivian habitat where the species lives, the Web site that handled the sale said.
This new species of 'titi monkey" (heh, heh, he said titi) is about a foot tall and has a brown body, a golden crown, orange cheeks and a white-tipped tail. I think I've seen one.
The winning bidder outbid Ellen DeGeneres! Golly, I wonder what she would'a named the new monkey species?
Dammit, how come we're missing all these monkey opportunties?
You do not f*** with the Violent Femmes, if I understand the opening track from their greatest hits album correctly.
More importantly, you do not f*** with simians of any kind.
Consider yourself warned.
Hugh Hewitt was in high dudgeon today about this story in the LA Times about North Korea.
I was in and out of the car today (on a tour--disappointing, but I'll blog on that later--of San Diego wine stores), so I didn't hear whether this point was made (and I couldn't get through to make it myself), so I'll make it here:
I always felt that Eason Jordan's admission that CNN looked the other way for Saddam to maintain access was much worse than his charge that the U.S. Military killed journalists.
Charging evil where none is there is ridiculous and stupid. Willfully ignoring evil makes you complicit in the evil. It is evil.
The Hit and Run weblog at Reason.com has this post today about how government secrecy did not help prevent 9/11 from happening, but more public disclosure very well could have.
I've wondered before if in the picture on the left column of Fraters the guy on the ground is Hugh Hewitt.
Today, we got the answer.
I saw that Hugh Hewitt was appearing on MSNBC tonight with "Wonkette."
Why is she representative of the blogosphere? Why the respect from the media? I clicked on the link Hugh had in his blog, and found this:
Insert Bush Joke Here
Hey, thanks to everyone who's been sending the link to the incredibly dubious Jenna Bush beaver shot. You know, the one with the date stamp of "2004" in the corner and the blurred edge where the, ahem, bush was inserted? Yeah, that one. It's not that we're not grateful, it's just that our own versions are better.
Golly, that is so classy and mature.
(Not that she shouldn't write posts like this. That's her business. I just don't get the attention she receives from the media.)