Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysBy now we all know about the cheap boozers at Fraters Libertas, and some of us (well, just me) have been following Chad the Elder's Adventures in San Diego.
Well, apparently those "adventures" came to a rather inglorious end yesterday. Nothing like a vacation ending with you Talking to Ralph on the Big White Telephone.
I was tempted - momentarily - to feel a twinge of sympathy. Fortunately, after the laughter stopped, that moment passed.
Honestly now, how pathetic is it to put up a post about two days of binging on Mexican food, all the while having to decide which establishment you are going to get shit-faced at, and then blaming getting sick on the water? The water?
Puh-leez. That's just sad, man, really sad.
JB Doubtless would never do that. If he tied on a good girl-drink drunk, he'd flaunt it. Atomizer? Well, he's big league, so I won't touch him.
As Chad said, "so many beers, so little time." But blame the water.
PS: I do recommend the Yard House. (comming soon to Pah-ho-nix, AZ)
But don't drink the water?
Okay, so I'm not going to let this one go. I picked up the "Remix Tools" Jam Pack for Garage Band and found some great drum loops that sounded like old New Order. So I re-mixed my original "Feces and Fecundity (First Impression)" with the new loops, added a bunch of samples from 24 Hour Party People, and the result is right here.
(warning - not "work- or family-friendly")
If you are like me, you are not very... ah, liquid this week. This, of course, has nothing to do with the ravages of April 15. No, I'm broke this week because I'm a financial idiot who has little or no comprehension of such concepts as saving or investment.
But in the event that you were soaked this year by Uncle Sam, I have just the remedy...
The Income Tax Cocktail
Shake and strain into a cocktail glass and toast/lament the high price of freedom. Coincidentally, perhaps, the Income Tax bears an eerie similarity (different proportions, and minus the Grand Marnier) to Satan's Whiskers.
Hat tip: The Cocktail Database.
Apparently, today's big news hasn't yet reached the Barnes and Noble* at an undisclosed location in the greater Southern California area. (Any more specific, and certain confidences would be compromised. Let's just leave it at that.) Truth is, I've already ordered much of my Benedictiana online. But I was curious as to what my local bookseller had to offer.
Turns out, the answer is: Nothing. Not a thing. And, no, it wasn't as if there was a great run on Ratzinger's books this afternoon. Trust me, I asked. The religion section was crammed with unbought, unread books.
I saw a clerk busily shelving in the "Christian Inspiration" section. "Any Ratzinger?" I asked. "You must have had some interest today."
"Let me check," she said helpfully. And so she typed in Ratzinger in her computer.
"First name...?"
"Joseph."
Around 30 titles popped up. All with zeroes next to them.
"We don't seem to carry him. I can order any of these, if you like...?"
"No, no, that's OK," I said. "But I'm sure you will have some other people ask. He was elected Pope today."
"Oh? He was? I thought that name sounded familiar."
True story.
On the bright side, the store did have a couple copies of Blog.
* I notice, however, that a quickie bio of Benedict XVI is featured on B & N's homepage. Me, I'll stick with the man in his own words.
I'm not sure who to blame - ex-Monkey Ben, or Monkeys Missing in Action (David, Brad, Monkeystein), but Fraters Libertas has apparently demoted the Monkeys all the way down to a "humrous aside" in their blogroll.
"Humorous Aside"?
Who you calling humorous!!??
Breaking Monkey News.
As some of you may have realized, one of the Monkeys is now an "ex-Monkey." That would be Ex-Monkey Ben. Rumors swirled as to his whereabouts and the reasons for his abrupt departure from this fine Blog.
The truth can now be revealed. EMB has found other employment.
JB Doubtless posts his liquor shopping list. I think this is a great idea, and I encourage more of it from bloggers. I feel safe in saying this because Monkey Ben is on hiatus; if he posted his here, he'd probably crash our server.
JB needs to upgrade his taste in wine a bit, though. No doubt it's slim pickings in the frozen wastelands, but surely there's a few Italian, Spanish or even Australian wines available (and probably about the same price).
My girls have some TV show going in the other room, and the people on the show are singing a song with cutesy lyrics, but an unmistakable melody:
[Garret Morris singing]:
"I'm gonna get me a shotgun and shoot all the whiteys I see..."
"JB" over at Fraters Libertas continues his slow return from a long hiatus of sorts (or was it a "sentence" of sorts?) by fisking Bruce Springsteen's "Johnny 99."
Just goes to show, sometimes you really don't want to listen too closely to rock & roll lyrics.
. . . why an Amish Restaurant has a website.
In the Year of Our Lord 2005, perhaps it is the case that Western Civilization is not on the verge of total collapse. Give it another five years. Case in point: America's newspaper of record cannot bring itself to publish the name of a popular book. (Published by a distinguished academic press no less.) Is the book really popular? I do have no way of knowing for certain. I can only go by what the great Roger Kimball writes in the Wall Street Journal on Friday. I suspect that the author of the book under review is on to something, although I would assert that he is suffering from a paucity of language. What would... oh, I don't know... a guy like Hawthorne think? Or Emerson? Or anyone?
See here for more mythological nonsense... (requires annoying registration).
"Laura and I join people across the Earth in mourning the passing of Pope John Paul II. The Catholic Church has lost its shepherd, the world has lost a champion of human freedom, and a good and faithful servant of God has been called home."
"Pope John Paul II left the throne of St. Peter in the same way he ascended to it -- as a witness to the dignity of human life. In his native Poland, that witness launched a democratic revolution that swept Eastern Europe and changed the course of history. Throughout the West, John Paul's witness reminded us of our obligation to build a culture of life in which the strong protect the weak. And during the Pope's final years, his witness was made even more powerful by his daily courage in the face of illness and great suffering."
"All Popes belong to the world, but Americans had special reason to love the man from Krakow. In his visits to our country, the Pope spoke of our "providential" Constitution, the self-evident truths about human dignity in our Declaration, and the "blessings of liberty" that follow from them. It is these truths, he said, that have led people all over the world to look to America with hope and respect."
"Pope John Paul II was, himself, an inspiration to millions of Americans, and to so many more throughout the world. We will always remember the humble, wise and fearless priest who became one of history's great moral leaders. We're grateful to God for sending such a man, a son of Poland, who became the Bishop of Rome, and a hero for the ages."
-President George W. Bush
"I am deeply saddened by the death of His Holiness, Pope John Paul II. The pontiff was a world statesman whose leadership played a key role in the fall of Communism and the democratic transformation that swept Europe in its wake. In the 26 years of his papacy, Pope John Paul II's advocacy for human rights and human dignity never wavered. The wisdom and universality of his teaching will continue to guide all of us who, like Pope John Paul II, believe in freedom and faith."
- Secretary of State Condi Rice
"We should remember Pope John Paul II not just as the greatest Pope of modern times but also as a valiant fighter for the truth."
"His life was a long struggle against the lies employed to excuse evil. By combating the falsehoods of communism and proclaiming the true dignity of the individual, his was the moral force behind victory in the Cold War."
"Millions owe him their freedom and self respect. The whole world is inspired by his example."
- Lady Margaret Thatcher
(all via The Corner)
Boy, did Sandy Berger learn from the best, or what? Only Bill Clinton would time an admission of guilt so deftly: on a Friday, sandwiched between the deaths of Terry Schiavo and the Pope.
Yes, I'm a cynical bastard. But you know I'm right.
Celebrity blogging is finally taking off, thanks to the TeeVee.org guys.