Infinite Monkeys

Tookie, Tookie (LEND ME YOUR GLOCK)

Tookie, Tookie (LEND ME YOUR GLOCK)
Stolen, Plagarized and Ripped off without permission from the original “Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb” performed by Edward "Kookie" Byrnes & Connie Stevens.

RAYMOND: Tookie, Tookie, lend me your Glock. Tookie, Tookie?
TOOKIE: Well now, let's take it from the top & grab some wheels
& on the way we'll talk about some cuckoo deals.
RAYMOND: But Tookie, Tookie, lend me your Glock. Tookie, Tookie?

TOOKIE: Now you're on the way, Snoop, & I'm readin' you just fine.
Don't cut out of here till we get on Death Row.
RAYMOND: But Tookie?

TOOKIE: I've got smog in my noggin ever since you made the scene
RAYMOND: You're the utmost!
TOOKIE: If you ever tool me out...dead, I'm the saddest, like a brain
RAYMOND: The very utmost. Tookie, lend me your Glock. Tookie, Tookie?

TOOKIE: Man, I got my bruise lighters in my flapsy colored pen
You're gonna send me to that planet called...you know it, Homie, the end!

(shotgun solo)

RAYMOND: Tookie, Tookie, lend me your Glock. Tookie, Tookie?
TOOKIE: If you ever cut out, you might be a stray cat
'Cause when I'm flyin' solo, nowhere's we're on that!
RAYMOND: Tookie, Tookie, lend me your Glock. Tookie, Tookie?
TOOKIE: What's with this Glock caper, homie? Why do you wanna latch up with my Glock?
RAYMOND: I just want you to stop stroking your Glock...& kill Whitey. You're the maximum utmost.
TOOKIE: Well, I beans & I dreams goin', I'm movin' right now
'Cause that's the kind of scene that I dig...homie, you're the ginchiest.

"Raymond" is Raymond Washington, co-founder with Tookie of the notorious Crips.

Bizarre-ass lyrics, yes. But they're the original:

Well, I beans & I dreams goin', I'm movin' right now
'Cause that's the kind of scene that I dig...homie, you're the ginchiest.

WTF? Damn Hippies!

Apropos of nothing

How amazingly ballsy was it for The Smiths to lead off their first L.P. with "Reel Around the Fountain"? Serously, that took guts. Hats off to Morrissey and Marr.

It doesn't "work" (or does it?)

There's something you need to know about the new Harry Potter movie. Well, that is if you're the type, like my wife and I, who usually hang around until all the credits have scrolled and the lights come on. Even if you're not the type, you may want to try it after this heads up. But, as a public service, I must warn those fans of reading the credits, that this post will contain a credits spoiler.

Predictably, the movie's score plays over the credits. And, as usual, it winds through a number of motifs, leitmotifs, and themes before it dwindles out. But for the new Harry Potter movie, the credits still roll... and then a new, soft rock number, "Magic Works," starts. It wasn't in the movie, but clearly it's an original for the soundtrack (okay, maybe it was just barely in the background during the ball scene, but it wasn't recognizable). And it's bad. No, this is no "Gollum's Song" or "Into the West" which popped up over the LOTR credits. The merits of those songs are debatable. But HP's extra tune is really, really bad. So bad, in fact, that I suspect it may have been intended ironically. This appears to be lost on Amazon's "editor" though, who comments on the soundtrack:

Note that the CD concludes on a jarringly different note with three songs by the Weird Sisters, the group that performs at Hogwarts' Yule Ball. Led by Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker, the ad hoc band also includes members of Radiohead and Cocker's side project Relaxed Muscle. "Do the Hippogriff" is a fast-paced rocker that somehow comes across like a grungy hybrid of Billy Idol's "White Wedding" and "Dancing with Myself." The other two songs--"This Is the Night" and "Magic Works"--are less obvious, and much better.

Much better? Hoo, boy! Have you ever seen the improv tv sketch show Whose Line Is It Anyway? "Magic Works" is painfully similar to something made up during the game called Three Headed Broadway Star.

If deconstructionist irony is your bag, by all means, stick around for the song. My guffaws were echoing around the front of the nearly evacuated theater. (The very last lines are the choicest.) For those of you who will heed this more as a warning but worry about any clever bits of credit scroll you might miss, let me give you the skinny. There's a few odd, fun-to-pronounce crew names you might miss, but you can read them here. Lastly, the only gag in the credits was a "No dragons were harmed in the making of this film" disclaimer. Woot! Feel free to bail before the end.

UPDATE: It's available on iTunes. Just search. It's the only one (in all genres) called "Magic Works." The sample is doesn't do it...er, justice?

Duke Nukem

So Duke Cunningham is a crook. I lived in his district for a time, and always had the sense that he was a good man. But he succumbed to the dark side, something that it's all too easy to do in Washington. I agree with McCain that we need to get the big money out of politics (although I disagree with his solutions) and Duke's fall is further proof that it needs to be done. It's also, of course, proof that more legislation isn't very useful (Cunningham was breaking current bribery laws).

I've seen a lot of ideas go by--term limits, limits on corporate contributions, and so on. None seems to work very well (except perhaps full disclosure on the Internet). I'm not sure what to do with our current corrupt, gerrymandered, special interest controlled political system. It's frustrating and sad.

A Letter from God

People often ask why I let bad things happen to good people. Like why I let the Holocaust happen or why I let children starve to death in Africa and the like. I've always resented that question, but I am going to answer it: I don't let bad things happen to good people. YOU let bad things happen to good people.

I don't think you people get it, I AM NOT IN CHARGE. You are.

Think of it this way: let's pretend that I give you a car. I even get you driving lessons and even show you how change the oil and the like.

Now, let's say you go out for a night on the town in your new car. Let's say you drink a few glasses of wine and get a little tipsy. And on your way home, you smash your car into a tree.

Now, the blame God crowd would say it was my fault the tree got in the way of your car. But the simple truth is this:

YOU WERE IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT—YOU WRECKED THE CAR.
I HAD NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THE CAR CRASH.

It's called free will. I’m not in charge. You are. I can't make you do anything you don't want to. And it is time for you to accept responsibility for your state of the world. Understand, it's YOUR world. It's not mine. It's your world. It's your life. It's all yours. And frankly, I'm getting sick and tired taking all of the blame for the stuff that you guys do.

I gave you the keys to this world a long time ago. But some of you still haven't read the owner's manual. I left so many copies and so many different versions of them for you but you guys STILL don't seem to get it.

Well, hopefully by the end of this book you'll get it. Hopefully, by the end you'll be able to take charge and change your world.

Remember, it's your world. It's your life. Take care of it, because I won't give you another one if you wreck it.
*****
Do you know what it is like to make a deal with the devil? I do. And let me tell you something, the Devil always makes you pay full price. And if you don't have enough cash on hand, don't worry, the Devil is more than happy to lend you the rest. Bad credit history? No problem. No collateral? No problem. The Devil will take care of you. No questions asked.

Of course you should know something— the Devil doesn't exist. He is a figment of your imagination. Heaven and hell? I pulled that one out of my ass. I was just fooling around. I didn't actually think you people would take me seriously.

I mean, demons and pitchforks and eternal hellfire? Angels and harps in the clouds? You got to be kidding me. No devil. No heaven or hell. For some of you, I know, that's a hard thing to accept. It's kind of like finding out there's no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. And that kinda sucks.

But that doesn't mean there's no magic in the world. Oh, there's plenty of magic left my friends. There is so much more for you to discover. And if you allow yourself to believe in magic, if you have the courage to seek out heresy, if you are willing to admit that there is still a lot about your world that you know absolutely nothing about, if you are willing to accept that there are ideas that are just as revolutionary as when the first person proclaimed that the world wasn't flat, you will see that you are a part of something wonderful.

And that at this very moment you are participating in something, and that something has a name on the tip of your tongue, and it is three little letters: N-O-W.

Now. Now. Now. Meow.

This moment we are sharing, though I have long since passed, is NOW.

Maybe you've been living in the past. Maybe you have been fixated on the future. I'm going to tell you something: the past, the future, they don't exist. They are figments of your imagination. The only thing that exists is thought.

“I THINK THEREFORE I AM.”

Old words, but still relevant.

I thought by now, you guys would have figured it out. I thought by now you'd have gotten over me. Over the whole old man floating in the sky. But you haven't. I thought by now, you'd have figured out that you are running things, that I am just an audience member—a mere spectator of the drama of your collective lives, and that I am merely a cosmic cheerleader.

I figured by now you'd have realized that I'm like the Wizard of Oz, just an old man behind the curtains. That in fact, I'm just an ordinary person. I figured by now you'd have realized that I AM NOT GOD. That I am just a metaphor for your state of being. Your being.

You can choose to believe this or not believe this. But believing makes your life much more richer. And more fun. But understand this truth: there is no heaven, there is no hell. However, there are consequences to actions. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. And the best thing you could ever do is love complete and utter strangers.

Now that all said, a devil does exist. And that devil is you. Now you can choose to succumb to that devil. Or you can choose not to. But understand, whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you, and has absolutely nothing to do with me.

“I WANT IT! I WANT IT NOW!”

Get over it! You'll get when it's the right time. If you think you can change the world overnight, you got another thing coming. You can change things, but it'll take time. Time. Time. Time! And patience. Old-fashioned patience.

Think the tortoise and the hare. Learn to become a plodder. Learn to do one little thing everyday to become the person you hope to be. Do one little thing to make the world the place you hope for it to become.
Now, I’m going to tell you the secret to living an interesting life:

TUNE OUT YOUR TV, AND TUNE IN TO YOUR SELF.

Of all the gadgets you people have invented to distract yourselves— television is perhaps the most destructive to the souls of people ever created. Televsion is truly EVIL. And it saddens me to think how many lives are squandered to its lights and shadows.
Lights and shadows. That’s all television is. It’s not reality. it’s an illusion. A puppet show, and bad one at that. even the TV news isn’t real. What’s real is YOUR EXPERIENCE.
It’s not to say that I’m against entertainment. Far from it. it’s just that a life well led is the highest form of entertainment.
I’ve given you this wonderful world. Full of interesting and amusing characters. Far more interesting than anything you’d see on TV. This is your world. And it’s full of drama and comedy and heartbreak and hope. I’ve given you sights and sounds to marvel at. And yet, you’d rather experience them second hand. Television is somebody’s left over experiences. Experiencing life second hand was not the plan I had for you.
I’m an ordinary person, just like you. But that doesn’t mean that my experience has been anything less than EXTRAORDINARY. Oh, the things I’ve seen and done. Oh, I wish you could have been a fly on the wall of my life. Let me tell you something: the things I’ve seen and done aren’t particularly special. What I mean is, anybody can do what I’ve done. Anybody. All it takes is a willingness to get off the couch and walk out your front door. One step in front of the other. All it takes is willingness and an intent to step of your comfort zone. All it takes is a willingness to CONFRONT YOUR FEARS.
Sooner or later we all pass. On your deathbed what will be your greatest regret? That you missed the season finale of “Friends”?
All wed-led life is the greatest gift you can give yourself. And it is truly a gift you deserve. YOU DESERVE IT. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Your capacity for greatest is unlimited. You are only bound by your thoughts. I’ve watched you people for thousands of years, and you people think far too much.

STOP THINKING. DO SOMETHING — ANYTHING.
BE SOMETHING — ANYTHING.

It’s a choice really. You can be an active participant in your life or a passive participant. You can make things happen or you can let things happen to you. You can’t control everything, but you can control YOU. And by exerting control over YOU, you’ll find that things just go your way. It’s a law of the Universe.
You life unlike television. has an infinite amount of channels. You can tune into any form of programming you desire. And I can guarantee you this: you’ll never complain that there is nothing good on. Because if you are tuned into YOU, there’s always something good on.

I'm thankful for lists

Joe Carter has decided to push my "list" button on a weekly basis. This week, he weighed in early with a list of overrated/underrated films, and invited others to contribute. So here we go:

Most overrated/underrated:

Steven Soderbergh film: Sex, Lies, and Videotape | Kafka
Pixar movie: Toy Story | A Bug's Life
Jonathan Demme film: Philadelphia | Storefront Hitchcock
Postmodern pseudo-Christian allegory: The Matrix | The Game
Concert film: The Song Remains the Same | The Cure in Orange
Coen Brothers film: Blood Simple | The Man Who Wasn't There
"Hamlet" adaptation: Laurence Olivier version | Strange Brew
Brian DePalma film: Scarface | Blow Out
Quentin Tarantino scripted film: Pulp Fiction | True Romance
Early Brad Pitt supporting role: Thelma & Louise | True Romance
"Alien" film: Aliens | Alien 3
Mike Nichols film: Closer | [there are no underrated Mike Nichols films]

That's all for now...

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year. Sometimes bad things sneak up on you; it's worth remembering that sometimes good things do too.

Memo to Disney: Don't give back the ring

Took the family to see Chicken Little today. The verdict - it ain't no Pixar production. I mean it's O.K. (in that rather drawn out, over-pronounced sense of "okay"), but it's not going to be the vehicle that paves the way for Disney to take back over the animated market sans Pixar.

I wouldn't have been surprised to find the movie lacking in one area or another, but it lagged behind Pixar's established standards both technically and in its direction and writing. I understand trying to take production design and art design a different direction than Ralph Eggleston's mid-century modern hip/kitsch. No one can compete with the guru. But instead of going anywhere confidently, they came up with a rather blank slate (not unlike the makers of Madagascar, save for the overly stylized character design). To top it off, Chicken Little's world just didn't make sense. It wasn't as bad as Shark Tale in its awkward inconsistencies, but it did lack the internal cohesiveness that makes the suspension of disbelief a pleasure rather than a chore.

Spoiler Warning: Plot points revealed in the remainder of this post.

What was most surprising about Chicken Little was its bizarre story arc. It had several highs, not very low lows, and they were all mixed up. That seems like something that you could easily get right by following the models of the classics and the recent successes of Pixar's stories. And story arc is not something that will stand out to most viewers as something borrowed or copied. In fact, one could claim that it's only noticed when it's screwed up.

Not even the (albeit brief) presence of Wallace Shawn could save this movie.

Yes, there were a few clever bits here and there. But they were peripheral, alongside the story, rather than a part of it. Most of all, it was simplistic. It had a fine father/son unconditional love message, but upon reflection the acceptance really was somewhat conditional. Well, I digress. My main complaint on the lack of cleverness (which we've come to expect from Disney with Pixar) is that the solutions were too simple; things worked out for the hero just as he thought they would. No clever twists. Nothing unexpected. No real surprises in the second half of the movie at all.

This show may be the leading "comedy" at the box office at the moment, but it can only be because of the time of year, and the lack of other rated-G options for families. It can't be word of mouth.

Oddly enough, I've even found myself considering how much more poorly Chicken Little's marketing will fare in the toy and merchandise department than a typical Pixar production. Sure, they can cram a Chicken Little themed something into California Adventure (most likely in place of the Bug's Life veneer on the farm stuff). But the truly marketable characters (the Adam West-voiced Hollywood Chicken Little and his heroine) appear in the film for... maybe two minutes? I'm getting too far afield again.

Other complaints:

It features Garry Marshall.

Main characters didn't react to the bystanders around them being vaporized.

The "solution" to the vaporized characters not really being dead came long after any young audience members who would have been disturbed by such scenes popping up in a G movie would already have been upset.

Given that this movie seemed to be in production for eons (yes, always a bad sign), one would think that the producers could have come up with a better soundtrack. The originals were weak and the other choices (Spice Girls?) just didn't fit the bill.

The credits rolled with a sort of musical number featuring main characters dancing to "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" (which wasn't used as a theme earlier in the movie). Despite its poor editing this would've been acceptable, except for the fact that the kids' movie Ella Enchanted used the same musical number for its credits just last year!

And how many aliens are there? Two? Three? Dozens? Hundreds? Oh, now just three or four again? What?

Okay, I've had my say. I held my tongue on Robots and Madagascar. Perhaps I'm just bitter because I ate so much popcorn. Damn your salty goodness, popcorn, you carb-loaded fat-fest! Oh, and Disney... the folks at Pixar clearly learned a lot from your company's early movies. You all still have a lot to learn from theirs.

Cycling Caps - Ain't what they used to be

I'm (still kinda) too young to be titling a post thusly. But having seen the recent offerings in the category of cycling caps at the expo before El Tour de Tucson, I can't suppress my inner old coot.

See, I've got this old yellow Campagnolo cap just like the one Dennis Christopher wore in Breaking Away. I say "just like" because I bought it as a kid back when the movie first came out. I rediscovered it recently when I was going through a collection of things that my mom had saved from my childhood.

I'd love to replace my old, ailing cap, as its life is clearly limited. It deserves a retirement befitting its memento status. I wore it last year when the school where I work had a "hat day" for its monthly "spriit day." Since my wife liked the look on me ("cute - in a good way," she says), I've taken to wearing it again occassionally. But it just won't last forever.

But the current caps offered are of noticeably lesser quality. The fabric is too heavy, The elastic is awkwardly bunched across about one inch rather than finely spread all the way across two "sections" of the cap. There is no separate liner around the inner edge. And worst of all, I can't find a Campy hat with a real ribbon of Italy's green, white and red as its stripe. The new hats all have an ugly, flat (not shiny ribbon) "world champion" rainbow stripe. Ugh.

Unfortunately, nothing I've tried on lately or seen on eBay seems to be of a quality that I'd actually want to wear. (It's not helped by my disinclination to wear the "world champion" colors, as I race locally. No one would ever mistake me even for someone trying to pass himself off as a champ, but it could clearly be seen as a statement worthy of ridicule and being put in my place. We've got some members on our team who wear National Champion's colors because they've earned them in their categories.)

There've got to be some well made caps. Out. There. Some. Where.

How the Flu Kills You: The Cytokine Storm

"There was a bird

her name was Enza

I opened the window

and in-flew-Enza"

-- Children's song circa 1918

I'm not a doctor or a scientist. I'm just a guy who likes mental challenges. And a pandemic flu outbreak would is one hell of a challenge.

But I think there is a solution, how to keep people from dying from a flu outbreak. And the answer is kind of counterintuitive.

To understand my idea for a treatment of influenza during a pandemic outbreak, you have to understand that a flu virus in and of itself won't kill you. In fact, I can say if you are infected with the flu, your main enemy isn't the flu bug, it's your own immune system.

How a person really dies from influenza: The Cytokine Storm

When our body detects foreign microorganisms indicating an infection, it might over-protect our lungs. We race so many antibodies to the site that they collect in a Cytokine storm, potentially blocking airways and causing suffocation. Medical researchers have identified the stages of the Cytokine storm and are working on treatments, other than flu vaccines, to weaken an overactive immune response.

At all times, sentries circulate in our bloodstream, called white blood cells, that are the first to sense if a virus or bacteria has infiltrated. Immediately, our body sends defenders from the immune system, T-cells, to the site of the infection. During this stage, our immunity functions properly, and T-cells attack the microbes so they do not get too strong a foothold in our lungs.

However, the mere presence of T-cells clustered at one site, especially the lungs, alerts other T-cells that a full-scale war has started.

In the second stage, even more T-cells, known as cytokines, flood the lungs. This propagates a Cytokine storm where far too many immune cells are caught in an endless loop of calling even more. The Cytokine storm ends up inflaming the tissue of the lungs and crowding air passages, causing breathing difficulties....This is what makes the Cytokine storm so deadly in certain epidemic strains, such as bird flu.

But the Cytokine storm isn't just limited to the lungs:

From "The Merck Manual of Health and Aging"

Influenza may lead to other problems especially those with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, heart failure, diabetes, or other chronic diseases. Influenza frequently irritates the trachea and bronchi, leading to tracheitis and bronchitis. In some older people, influenza leads to pneumonia, either by the virus itself or, more commonly, from a bacterial infection. Pneumonia is the main cause of most deaths resulting from influenza infection.

Rarely, inflammation of muscles (myositis) or of the sac surrounding the heart (pericarditis) complicates influenza. Inflammation of the brain (encephalitis), the spinal cord (transverse myelitis), or nerves that branch off from the spinal cord (Guillain-Barré syndrome) may also develop. These complications may be the result of the body's immune system being overstimulated from fighting the influenza virus.

The pervesre thing about The Cytokine Storm is this: the stronger your immune system is, the stronger the cytokine reaction. During the 1918 Spanish Flu outbreak, the majority of people who died were between the ages of 20 and 40 years old. To be sure, death rates from the Spanish flu were higher than normal among all ages. But the people who beared the biggest brunt of the flu outbreak were in the prime of their lives healthwise.

So the challenge as a medical practitioner has nothing whatsoever to do with the flu virus. The question if you are trying to save the life of a patient isn't "How do get rid of the virus?" --it's "How do I stop the body's immune system from overreacting to the virus?"

And the answer to the second question is simple: give the patient sugar water.

"Cell mediated immunity is depressed by 50% for 120 minutes after sugar ingestion (75 grams). A 100g portion of sugar can significantly reduce the capacity of white blood cells to engulf bacteria. Maximum immune suppression occurs one to two hours after ingestion and remains suppressed for up to five hours after feeding... A 100g portion of sugar can significantly reduce the capacity of white blood cells to engulf bacteria. Maximum immune suppression occurs one to two hours after ingestion and remains suppressed for up to five hours after feeding." --Dr. Noel Peterson

Regarding this process, the book, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: A Treatment Guide, relates, "In patients experiencing the effects of excess cytokine production, downregulation of immune system chemicals can provide tremendous relief."

Once ckytokine produced has been slowed the next step is to give the patient magnesium chloride, zinc, vitamin C.. Not only is magnesium chloride cheaper than any of the anti-virals outthere, it actually works in treating the flu. It's over the counter, you don't need a prescription to get it.

And you have the added bonus of being able to supplement your diet with it NOW, to strengthen your immune system against viral infection.

A Dark Side Strategy?

Last night my ten-year-old son was next to me as I watched Special Report With Brit Hume. He asked me why some people are calling the President a liar and who they are. After explaining the situation, my son mirrored back his understanding, checking to see if he had it straight. "You mean these senators are spreading a rumor that President Bush did the same thing Emperor Palpatine did in Episodes II and III?"

After seeing clips of the dems' own claims before the war alongside Bush's prewar statements, my son concluded, "Now they're saying that he should be in trouble for what he said? That's just wrong."

He asked me how they could expect anyone not to see through this tactic [my paraphrase]. It was a bit sad having to explain he concept of the disinterest of the common voter and the theory of the Big Lie to my boy.

Will He Finally Be Shot On A Street Corner?

Speaking of Joe Rogan, here's his latest post on "Fear Factor":

We were filming an unusually complicated episode, and one of the contestants was none other than the infamous G. Gordon Liddy! 75 ... years old and kicking ass on Fear Factor. Hanging out with that psycho for a week made up for every annoying douche bag I had to deal with on that show for the last 5 years.

Hear hear! There is a disturbing photo with the post, too. You've been warned.

Oh, if you don't get the subject line reference, you need to work on your education. Or you could just go here. (Fourth review down.)

Decline of Western Civilization Slows A Bit

Lileks predicts: "I predict that competitive projectile vomiting will be a reality show by '07."

He's shooting low. But he may be right.

After all, Joe Rogan predicted in 2001 that we were "about three seasons away from 'The Running Man.'"

Incredibly, he was wrong. But not by much. Give him 'til 2010. You know, after projectile vomiting gets boring.

Instamonkey: An Incontinence Problem

Tony Blankley offers a diagnosis.

Bad Vote

I had a long entry on how bad the Senate vote on Iraq was today. It was brilliant, if I may say. Lots of links to good stuff. A real tour de force. But it... uh... disappeared.

Instead, here's the equivocal bit I was going to publish seperately...

There is one part of the Warner amendment (link in PDF) that contains a sliver of truth: "the Administration needs to explain to Congress and the American people its strategy for the successful completion of the mission in Iraq." Not just Iraq, but the entire War on Terrorism. See here, here, here, here, here, here, and here for lengthy elaboration on reasons why.

Memo to Gilchrist: Find the Nerve

Minuteman Project founder Jim Gilchrist is running for Congress against John Campbell. Gilchrist has one issue and one issue only: illegal immigration and the border. Tax reform? Close the border. Better education? Close the border. Welfare? Close the border. National defense? Close the border. Beatles or Stones? Close the border. Boxers or briefs? Boxers... and close the border.

Now, there is something to be said for closing the border. Hell, I'm sympathetic. But after that, then what?

Anyway, Gilchrist won't debate Campbell on Hugh Hewitt's show because Hewitt is pro-Campbell. So? Gilchrist can't possibly hope to win -- I mean, really -- and at least Hugh has a national audience. Gilchrist is a good man evidently over his head. If he can't debate a Republican on the radio, how will he hold up in Congress against those other lunatics?

This is serious business, Mr. Gilchrist. You can go down to the border for a month and look for illegal aliens but you can't debate some politician for an hour? Stand and deliver, or shut up and go home.

What's your theme music?

Okay, nearly everyone whose ever gone through a talk radio phase has probably mused about what they'd have as their own show's theme music. This has got to be even more likely among bloggers. Well, the time has come for us all to 'fess up.

What (plausibly recognizable) song would you open your fantasy talk show with? Nothing painfully obscure, please. For example, my real first choice would be some unheard-of's track on an unknown compilation of 60's bachelor pad tunes. No, it should be something that did see some radio play outside the college station circuit, or a novelty by someone we've heard of.

Alright, I'll go first.

Monkey Brad - "Oblivious" Aztec Camera

I know, I know... "But I don't want to give away the cool idea I have for the podcast I want to start up next year." Quit whinin' Cartman. This here's a blog. It's got archives. If your podcast ever comes together, you can back up your cred by commenting below, and linking back whenever.

Go toora loora toora loo rye aye

Hugh is searching for new top o' the hour intro music. His guidelines: "Upbeat, fast-paced, preferably with a fiddle."

I may be coming late to the party, so forgive me if I'm restating the obvious: "Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners. There may be enough instrumental to loop together, though the lyrics suit Hugh well enough, eh?

I now yield the floor for Monkey Robb to come up with the right Camper Van Beethoven track, and for Monkey David to offer any appropriate cuts from Laurie Anderson.

Instamonkey: Peter Drucker, RIP

The management guru is dead, at the age of 95. Drucker, who gave us the useful term "knowledge worker" and the somewhat annoying and pernicious phrase "management by objectives," was still writing up until just recently. But if you had to pick one book as indispensible, it would probably be The Concept of the Corporation, published in 1945. What was revolutionary 60 years ago is almost universally accepted today. Hardcore Druckerites will no doubt have their own choices. (If you want to get the full flavor of the man's prodigious output, there's always this.)

Sun Traffic

OK, I'm going to geek out here a little bit. Mickey Kaus has been speculating on why traffic (scroll down to Friday, November 4th) gets so much worse when Daylight Savings Time ends. Now, I live in Phoenix where there is no Daylight Saving Time (we have enough in the summer, thank you) and the problem exists here too.

My local paper (the East Valley Tribune) ran a ridiculous article claiming that it was because at the Equinox, the sun sets due west, and therefore drivers are blinded at sundown (a particular problem in a city laid out in a grid like Phoenix). It's ridiculous because, of course, at the Equinox the sun sets due west if you're on the Equator.

But they were on to someting. In September and October the sun is setting close to due west (you can figure out exactly when if sets in the west with this tool, just be sure to set your time zone correctly and enter a time close to sunset to see the angle; you can get your location here), and that does make driving west near sunset a lot more difficult. Traffic in L.A. would tend to snarl up in every direction, thanks to freeway interchanges.

I think a more likely reason for the traffic, though, is that people drive more slowly at dusk (they aren't wrong; it's a dangerous time) and this time of year it is closest to 5:00 pm.

Wonka

Just watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Much better than I expected (though much less than "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"--Gene Wilder can't be replaced in movies, something Mathew Broderick is about to find out).

I didn't get a Michael Jackson vibe from Johnny Depp's performance at all, though I did find his performance annoying. It was in the "Kids in the Hall"/"SNL" over-acting mold, and really owed more to Dr. Evil than anything else.

Still, the oompa loompas are great, I liked the songs (with Dahl's original lyrics), and it was a fun evening's entertainment.

Changing the Subject Again

Torture, schmorture. Carol Burnett is getting a Presidential Medal of Freedom today. Carol Burnett and Alan Greenspan. What a show!

Changing the subject

Reports of torture and secret prisons, and all the right wing talk shows can talk about is whether or not the "leak" of this information should be investigated? Holy crap, people, have you no shame at all? Give the people that leaked it a friggin' medal and immunity, and investigate the REAL problem: the prisons, the torturers, and an Executive branch that considers these activities both essential and essentially secret.

Reform? What Reform?

Absent some late counting miracle, every one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's "reform" initiatives is going down to defeat. Ah, well. This was predictable. One wonders if California is actually governable? No, no... that's crazy talk.

Truth is, I take the defeat of all these initiatives as a good sign for our democracy. Sure, it would have been great if voters had given the unions the bird (even though "paycheck protection" would not have been the radical reform its proponents advertised it to be). And Lord knows we need real redistricting reform, even something as imperfect as the one on Tuesday's ballot. But voters also rejected two preposterous prescription drug measures and an incomprehensible electricity re-regulation initiative.

In effect, the voters' message to the pols was: Don't fob this stuff off on us. We elected you to handle this. Now handle it.

Besides, we've got another election in seven months or so. Another election, another fight, another chance.

His lips are moving.

Okay, so President Bush insists that, "We do not torture."

Why, then, does he oppose congressional legislation banning torture, and why is he seeking an exemption for the CIA? (same article)

Pornography and the University: Smut or Filth? (UPDATED)

The University of California is one of the finest public universities in the world, and UC San Diego is among the finest in the system. I didn't always think so -- certainly not when I was a student there -- but time and the benefit of hindsight helped correct that point of view. I did not realize how good the university was, but I have a pretty good idea of how much it has declined since the mid-1990s.

Since many Monkey fans are also UCSD alumni or Hugh Hewitt readers, the rough details of the Steve York porn debacle are probably familiar. The Associated Students did the right thing on Wednesday when they voted to ban York and his pornographic "Koala TV" from UCSD's Student-Run Television.* But the A.S. decision is insufficient.** The University administration, which has rarely hesitated to assert its prerogative in the past, simply abdicated responsibility in this case. It could have put an end to this last Spring. Instead, the bureaucrats dithered and disgraced themselves, tarnished the reputation of UC San Diego, and made a mockery of our degrees. There, I said it.

(For background on the UCSD porn story, see here and here. For accounts of the latest developments, see here, here and here.)

I suppose I should get the obligatory caveats out of the way. I am no prude. I've seen my share of pornographic materials, OK? But here's the thing: Some things that are acceptable in private are not acceptable in public. One's right, such as it is, to watch a pair of consenting adults engage in sexual intercourse on video does not necessarily translate into the right to use taxpayer-funded facilities to broadcast said video (I'll return to the "taxpayer-funded" bit in a moment).

York asserts the principle of free speech. He claims the mantle of advancing free expression. York cheapens those principles. He is a usurper of academic freedom and the university is diminished because of him. The UCSD administration, from the top down, failed the university community when it refused to intervene in the controversy. Is that clear enough?

York persists in his mistaken belief that SRTV is not tax-funded because its operations are financed by student fees. SRTV's budget is around $8,000 a year. But student fees did not finance the building in which SRTV is housed. Fees most likely did not purchase SRTV's cameras and equipment. Student fees certainly did not pay to string the cable that makes SRTV available campus-wide. So, yes, Steve, that is my money that is helping you make your little statement. And I'm not interested in paying for it.

More interesting commentary here, here, here and here.

* Site down? Hmmm....

** I note, however, that an odd comment appended to the UCSD Guardian story linked above suggests the student government may have shut down SRTV entirely. That isn't what the story says, so this is either a new development or totally bogus. But that would help explain the 404s at the station's website.

Update: Aha! Turns out, the A.S. did shut down SRTV. According to the San Diego Union-Tribune, "The commissioner of student services, Maurice Junious, told SRTV station managers that no live shows and shows whose taped content had not been screened by managers could be broadcast Thursday night. The student council earlier this week also voted unanimously to bar people affiliated with Koala TV from the station."

Clear? No? Well, a program that aired Thursday night featuring an interview with Steve York apparantly ran afoul of new rules. Sounds fishy, but what do I know? Message to the UCSD administration: Never send children to do men's work. Joe Watson, where are you when we need you?

Oh, and another thing: "York and SRTV station managers are planning to file separate complaints with the student council's judicial board." But of course! Can lawsuits be far behind?

Lileks is Right Yet Again!

"Animals" is the best Floyd album ever.

Paris Riots: Pay No Attention To The Man Under the Balaclava

The clash of civilizations continues apace in Paris, yet so many of our friends in the press appear unwilling or unable to recognize precisely what is happening. Others get the point and give the "unrest's" causes and origins their due. (Warning: some -- or a lot of -- registration required.)

There's something about Islam, that religion of submission.

These editorials are certain to disappear soon. So here are some of the most preposterous bits:

The New York Times, Nov. 4:

Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy, who has ambitions to be president, has not been much help. He called the rioters "scum" and said the answer was zero tolerance of crime. A better answer would involve job opportunities, decent housing and good education for these new citizens.

The Boston Globe, Nov. 5 (actually, not as insane as its sister in New York):

To cope with its postcolonial crisis, France will have to change its ways profoundly. It must not only open up to economic reforms that Chirac has denounced as the ultraliberal Anglo-Saxon model but will also have to recognize that populations confined in ghettos and victimized by discrimination cannot be expected to assimilate. France's republican values have been wanting not only in the rioters setting fires to cars, buses, and warehouses these nights.

Welcome to the Celebrity Republic of California

So Warren Beatty didn't have the proper wristband to get into Arnold's big rally today. How often do Warren and Annette hear that? Is that any way to treat the director of "Dick Tracy," "Reds," and "Heaven Can Wait"? What has Arnold Schwarzenegger ever directed? The gall of some people!

California is, as far as I know, the only state to ever have two actors serve as governor. And speculation abounds over the political ambitions of Meathead and Bulworth. Is a celeb vs. celeb contest in the offing next November? Hey, why not?

I suspect the entire initiative process is going to emerge fairly battered from Tuesday's election, so this may not be the time to suggest this, but... why don't we just go ahead and amend the state constitution to allow only famous people to hold statewide office? Governor, Attorney General and State Treasurer would be reserved for A-List talent only. Lt. Gov., Insurance Commish, Controller and Superintendent of Public Instruction would be the second-tier, or B-List.

I could easily see a Beatty-Leo DiCaprio-David (Larry or Laurie) slate on the Dem side, and a Schwarzenegger-Patty Heaton-Ben Stein slate on the GOP side. One thing is certain: California government is much too important to be left to the politicians. Or the little people.

We're Rich! Well, Maybe Not

Laptops for Wounded Heros (Go Navy!)

Brought to you by Soldiers Angels:

Project Valour-IT
(Voice-Activated Laptops for OUR Injured Troops)
In memory of SFC William V. Ziegenfuss

Project Valour-IT, in memory of SFC William V. Ziegenfuss, provides voice-controlled software and laptop computers to wounded Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines recovering from hand and arm injuries or amputations at major military medical centers. Operating laptops by speaking into a microphone, our wounded heroes are able to send and receive messages from friends and loved ones, surf the 'Net, and communicate with buddies still in the field without having to press a key or move a mouse. The experience of CPT Charles "Chuck" Ziegenfuss, a partner in the project who suffered hand wounds while serving in Iraq, illustrates how important this voice-controlled software can be to a wounded servicemember's recovery.

There is a friendly competititon among the service branches to raise monay for this worthwhile project. You can maker a donation via the Navy Team by clicking below and giving via PayPal. It's really the only way to go.

Hat tip to some radio shock jock.

Prince Charles and Peeps the Elder

Poor Chad the Elder at Fraters. For some reason, Hughbert gets a kick out of making up outlandish stories and then encouraging others to join in the mockery. The lastest has to do with The Elder's alleged obsession with Prince Charles.

But this time I think Hugh may be asking for trouble:

Please e-mail Peeps all stories/photos of the Royals, and if you know anyone who knows anyone, Peeps will travel to shake the man's hand. He'll cry when you tell him.

Make the lad's dream come true. His address is **********.

As James Coburn said in Payback.

"Man that's just plain mean."

I won't add to The Elder's problems by posting his e-mail address. But you can find it here and here.

The Intifada Comes to Paris?

Curious. I've seen a couple of references (Little Green Footballs, Powerline) to reports that Muslim youth have been rioting for six days now in Paris, yet there seems to be little or any new coverage of it. (Some photos can be seen here.)

And Denmark too!! And let's not forget Iran's desire to wipe Israel off the map.

I know there are more important issues, like Senate Democrat temper tantrums and the indictment of a Sesame Street character, but six straight days of rioting seems to be pretty important. Throw in some Islamist bombings in India and beheadings of young Christian girls in Indonesia, and you'd think it make for a pretty good story.

Maybe to get some major media attention we need a (false) allegation of a Koran being flushed down the crapper.

InstaMonkey: Say It Ain't So, Scooter

Phil covers the sad indictment of Scooter.