Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysJust wanted to note that I am presently eating many butter cookies. My favorites are the pretzel-shaped ones with large sugar crystals on the top. Yum!
It's not easy being FUN, at least in Arizona.
Inexplicably, Mary Katharine Ham's Pork in Pictures post neither mentions, nor links to, Monkey RobbL's Porcine Prophet post below..
What it does link to, however, will likely incite responses similar to the comments our All Your Image Are Belong To Us series is receiving. Small government proponents may find it hard to avoid uttering aloud, "them whores... slutty bitches ..."
Update from the Brussels Journal site on the Islamist reaction to a series of Danish cartoons.
This morning armed Palestinians stormed the European Union office in Gaza City, threatening Danes and Norwegians and demanding that they leave.
The Palestinian terrorist organization Islamic Jihad announced yesterday that all Nordic people had 48 hours to leave Gaza. The al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades distributed leaflets saying that Danes and Swedes had three days to get out of the region.
All Nordic people? But that's racial profiling, isn't it?
There are also reports that a terrorist group called the Glory Brigades of Northern Europe is threatening suicide attacks in Denmark.
Prior to posting my admittedly feeble attempt at an artistic rendition of Moo-Hammed, I debated with the voices in my head about the possible hypocrisy of mocking Islamist outrage over the Danish cartoons, while maybe expressing outrage over similar anit-Christian mockery, such as "Piss Christ" or the Kanye West cover on the current issue of Rolling Stone. Fair question.
But there are some subtle differences between, say, my reaction to "piss Christ" and the reaction of much of the Muslim world to the Danish cartoons (and presumably our fantastic contributions) and similar expressions of free speech they do not like is that I DON'T RIOT AND KILL PEOPLE.
Outrage is fine. I was outraged at "Piss Christ" and the Virgin Mary splattered with elephant dung exhibit in NYC. I was outraged that there was no NHL season last year. We are all allowed to express outrage and disapproval (that pesky Constitution thingee). But other than the government funding issue, acting out on that outrage is what separates Monkeys from Islamists.
So until Monkey David, Monkey RobbL, and Monkey Brad start burning flags, torching cars, and calling for Jihad, I think I'll live with the hypocrisy charge.
And in the meantime, Buy Danish!
UPDATE: Bounty Offered for Murder of Cartoonists.
I have received a message from Mohammed. It arrived in my inbox, just this afternoon. I now share it with you, unedited. Note that the Great Prophet's e-mail address is included, in case you would like to correspond directly:
From: "Mohammed" [fffkeb@jccm.es]
Date: January 29, 2006 1:00:45 PM MST
To: Monkey RobbL
Subject: MohammedOne stop for all your medical needs.
ViagRa
CiALIS
L.E.V.I.T.R.A.
VALIU..M
X.A.N.A.X.
AMB-IEN
SO-MA
UxLTRAM
and much moreto buy
http://torjk.zoror.info/?4438a27f24722e2bd5b0c52F07d20e23
I strongly support the sentiment expressed by my fellow monkey in the previous post. And as a show of solidarity, I'd like to be the first to follow up with my own rendering of Muhammad:
I also second the challenge to post your own images to your own blogs. Keep in mind, however, that no matter what you produce, mine will still be The Greatest.
This morning I read about the the wrath that has been threatened against twelve illustrators who have submitted images of Mohammed for a Danish publisher's new book about him. As a result of twelve submissions being published in a Danish newspaper, Saudi Arabia has booted out the Danish ambassador.
Verity at anglosphere.com elaborates,
"They were pretty tame stuff, but have rocked the Muslim world because under Islamic law – which they now seek to apply in the West – renderings of Mohammad are illegal.I think it's time we follow the example of a big USC fan/strategist and flood the zone, setting up a series of short yardage screen passes on the playing field of the blogosphere. (Apologies to Mr. Taranto. We won't challenge the penalty flag for unnecessary roughness of metaphor.)The cultural editor of the Jyllands-Posen has remained unapologetic, saying he put out the call in response to a worrying trend he had observed in the Western media: self-censorship. The paper has received bomb threats and the editors and the cartoonists have received death threats from adherents of the Religion of Peace but all have stood their ground."
Let us follow the lead of the Danish illustrators and unapologetically exercise our defiance by posting our own images of Mohammed over and over and over. There are some available via Google Image Search. But I'd recommend adding one of your own. Here's mine.
HT: InstaPundit
Update v0.1 I just got word of new comments from Norway's foreign minister (some Norwegians re-ran the Danish newspaper story & cartoons) that deserve criticism. Unfortunately, by the time all of the Monkeys finally responded, consenting to my placing us in harm's way, I have to run out the door to a charity fundraiser. Thanks to Monkey JamesPh for the tip. Indirect HT: Andrew Stuttaford on NRO
Lileks' Diner podcasts are now available for subscription. I don't understand RSS, but it seems to make good things happen.
Joe Sobran points out that if you're going to make a career of smearing others' reputations, make sure your accusations are unfalsifiable.
Money quote: "A full generation after Chappaquiddick, he’s still expressing shock over other people’s pasts."
Via Andrew Sullivan, a great read from Christianity Today on why Torture is Always Wrong
Sullivan also offers a repeat-link to Al Mohler's excellent essay for Joe Carter's symposium on torture.
Am I the only person who spent two days wondering why the cover of James Frey's non-faction book, "A Million Little Pieces," depicts a man's hand coated with rainbow sprinkles?
Via the Fraters:
Zombietime has a very engaging photo essay about a pro-life march in San Francisco. And they settle the unsettle-able question in a way that, I believe, would make James Taranto proud.
Okay, I'm going to put my (dusty, faded, moth-eaten) Republican hat on for a minute here. What's a straightforward way to:
1. Cut off a major source of terror funding and trafficking
2. Reduce the cost of federal law-enforcement
3. Reduce the cost of federal and state prisons
4. Reduce gang violence
5. Free up federal resources to focus on national security
6. Open up a significant new source of federal revenue
I think you already know the answer: Legalize and regulate drugs for adult consumption.
It seems obvious enough, but some people can't see the forest for the trees.
Whew! Glad I got that filthy thing off my head.
Paul Begala was on The Colbert Report earlier this week. About 2/3 of the way through his interview, he pulled a worn-out New Testament from his pocket that he said he received from Brother Jed when he was preaching at the University of Texas. Incidentally, we Monkeys just had an off-line conversation that included references to this traveling preacher:
Subject: Large Mammary Glands
H.L. Monkey: Speaking of large mammary glands, check this out: Scarlett Johansson felt up at Golden Globes [Ed. WARNING: Neither video nor blog ads are safe for work. Or your soul. Don't go here.]
RobbL: Those have to be enhanced boobs. Either lots of "miracle bra" style padding underneath or implants. She was not that big in "Lost in Translation."
The groping video is just bizarre. Why would anyone with self-respect allow that? Oh, wait, I forgot she's an ACTRESS. Self-respect isn't part of the package.
Speaking of self-respect, that reminds me of a classic quote from traveling preacher "Brother Jed" that Gordon used to always quote:
"Whores and whore-mongers. I have more respect for the hookers on Van Buren than I do for you. At least they have enough respect for their body to charge for it."
David: I heard him say something like that once. He yelled “a whore couldn’t make a living at ASU, because you girls are giving it away!”
Then a guy in a full-size Big Bird costume walked up and tried to hug him.
So, I'm googling about for some information on the affects of alcohol on seratonin levels in the brain (just for academic purposes, of course...) and one of the first results is this page about how to have a more pleasant comedown from taking Ecstasy. In the "Water? Isotonic Drinks?" section, they use a phrase I've never seen before: "caning the fags." I assume this means smoking a lot of cigarettes, but I'm not 100% sure. It did give me a very juvenile giggle, though.
I never thought I'd say this, but I actually feel kinda sorry for Joel Stein. No doubt he woke up on Tuesday feeling pretty good about himself for actually trying to make a statement in one of his useless columns. Then a mountain of shit came crashing down on his head.
It's a testament to Joel's naiveté that he thought he could lead off a column with "I don't support our troops," and not get spanked for it. Reading his piece, it's pretty clear to me that he was trying to take his rather asinine basic premise -- that it's hypocrisy to both protest the war in Iraq and support the troops -- and make it go down easier by coating it with some of his patented brand of humorless humor. He just did such an inept job of it that readers who weren't already aware that Joel and his works are utterly disposable took it seriously.
Now he has the likes of Michelle Malkin gloating about how Hugh Hewitt beat him up in an interview. I'll be the first to admit that fate has smiled far too kindly on Mr. Stein over the years, but nobody deserves to have to put up with that. Hell, even Lileks took a chunk out of him. That's like being beaten senseless by a garden gnome, and twice as humiliating.
It must be bewildering to Stein that the same pundits who for months have been spouting off that people who oppose the war also inherently oppose the troops now jump down his throat for attempting to make the same point. Worse still, his column was meant as a knock on the anti-war folks, so ain't nobody gonna be standing up for the guy. Least of all his editor at the Times, who really should have known better.
No doubt Stein's been chugging along all these years writing his dumb little columns and hearing nothing but, "Oh, you're so witty, Joel," from whomever actually reads his tripe. This must have been a pretty rude awakening. I feel for the guy.
Dave asked me this evening if I wanted to be a monkey. So I sat and I drank, and I drank and I thought. And this is what I thought:
To be a monkey, one must understand what makes a monkey. What is that stuff that puts the prime in primate? What are the core qualities that define the very essence of simianness? ness?
Is it the bullheaded resolve to pore perpetually over the coarse fur of life, picking feebly at the swarming nits in the vain hope of finally stopping the damned itching?
Is it the thrill of the hunt, punctuated by the deeply satisfying thud of a damned dirty lemur striking the ground, moments after being dislodged from his tree by an impeccably aimed lump of your own excrement?
Is it the simple joy of masturbating furiously to the amusement and shock of the busload of impressionable schoolchildren who came to gape at you?
Is it the uncontrollable primal urge to construct a clumsy metaphor about blogging and stretch it a good quarter mile past the breaking point?
Yea, being a monkey is all these things and more. Sometimes, for instance, a monkey must vote, or argue about The Smiths.
This I thought, and I also drank, and then I said, "OK." And now, I guess, I am a monkey.
Come closer, children, I have something I'd like to show you.
Be afraid of the angry eyebrows. Very afraid.
Blunt seems, more and more, to be the arse he appears to be. But, should we consider the slimy, icky thought that such a manipulative personality might be a better "whipster & arm twister" than someone with high principles? I hope we shouldn't.
I'd like to be doing the right thing by reminding you to throw your support behind the slightly funny-lookin' guy.
Iran has no real nuclear capability. They have no nuclear weapons, not are they on the verge of having such. There is no imminent threat. Nor do we have to take any steps lest the threat become imminent.
Iran probably doesn't even have any fissionable material at all.
I just wanted to be among the first to say it.
After all, the world faced pretty much the same level of evidence and widespread belief that Iraq (yes, with a Q and that Saddam guy) had weapons of mass destruction.
See, I can safely make today's assertion. Accurate or not, it will be forgotten. Just like the pre-Iraq-invasion zeitgeist of intel has been forgotten. Or denied. I can always deny it. Or just ignore it.
This photoblog deserves more attention than it currently receives. Some striking shots.
Tammy Bruce believes the Miss America Pageant has outlived its usefulness. Which is interesting, because I had no idea the Miss America Pageant was still on. (Powerline tuned in, however.)
I am pleased to see Tammy Bruce has a blog, by the way. I enjoyed her show when she was a regular on KFI, many years ago. She's still on the radio, of course. Even when she was more of an orthodox feminist, she was always reasonable and open to unorthodox points of view. Now, evidently, she's found a niche as a kind of lesbian neocon.
Incidentally, Bruce sued the proprietor of this site a few years back for sexual harassment, or some such. I guess she was uncomfortable. Ah, well... I only mention the fact to provide another link to Phil Hendrie, in the desperate and futile hope that we might get a bit of patronage from another nationally syndicated radio talkshow host.
But what the hell happened to GeorgeWBushIsGod.com?
...this guy gets more traffic than we do. There is no justice, I tell you. None whatsoever.
Colonel Walter E. Kurtz writes: "They lie. They lie and we have to be merciful for those who lie. For those... nabobs. I hate them. I do hate them."
WHEN THINGS get so balled up that the people of a country got to cut loose from some other country, and go it on their own hook, without asking no permission from nobody, excepting maybe God Almighty, then they ought to let everybody know why they done it, so that everybody can see they are not trying to put nothing over on nobody...
Remember the intro that Sting sang on Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing"?
I want myI was reminded of it when, just minutes ago I heard Hugh Hewitt declare himself "The Epicenter of New Media" as I listened to a crappy web stream over Windows' Media Player. What immediately popped into my head and out of my mouth was that Money For Nothing melody, but the words were
I want my
I want my M...T...V...
I want my pod...cast...ing...Recently I enjoyed an email axchange with Ex-Monkey Ben. In lamenting Hewitt's inexplicable absence from the podcast format, Ben mocked, "What's Hugh doing? Blogging? That's sooooo 2004."
The world is a little less funky tonight.
Here's hoping The Wicked Pickett enjoys an eternity of 1,000 dances at the midnight hour
More from the L.A. Times, The Hollywood Reporter, and the Dead Pool.
Not surprisingly, it turns out that offering shows on iTunes improves the ratings of the show.
I have a video iPod, and while I'm not too interested in watching movies on the little screen, I do enjoy watching TV shows on it, and I've watched all of the new Battlestar Galactica, and some shows from DVDs I own that I've transferred to the iPod. I thought I'd need one of these, but I don't.
I think the real gold mine will be bringing older shows to iTunes. Here's some I'd like to see:
Cooking shows (especially old Julia Child shows)
A Bit of Fry and Laurie (starring that guy from “House” and Stephen Fry)
Beavis and Butthead
Blackadder
Bosum Buddies
Call to Glory
Eek the Cat
Firefly
Get Smart
Hill Street Blues
It’s Gary Shandling’s Show
Kung Fu
Mod Squad (for that great late 60s/early 70s vibe)
Moonlighting
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Police Squad
Red Dwarf
Space 1999
The Monkees
The Prisoner
Twin Peaks
WKRP (with original music, not the crap that syndication uses)
Yes, Minister
Every HBO series ever
So, mostly cult TV. While I was making the list, I came across this list on Wikipedia. I wouldn't think all of those would make it on iTunes, but most would. People wouldn't always buy a bunch of an individual show, but they would buy some episodes (and possibly the entire run of shows like "The Prisoner" or "Twin Peaks").
So whenever there's a breaking news event, the first thing I ask is "what does Pirates, Man Your Women! think?
Well, not really. But I think I'm going to start.
It should be interesting to see how people react to Bin Laden's truce offer. Who will jump at the chance for peace in our time?
Roy Blunt follows John Shadegg and John Boehner in making his pitch for House Majority Leader. Prediction: The biggest boob will win. By that standard, Blunt is a clear contender.
Remarkable as it may seem, there is more to read -- and link to -- on the Interweb than just these clowns, these jokers, and this guy. Here's a further sample...
"I know the business models for print and web aren't exactly the same, and the costs are certainly different, but the principles are the same. In the real world, you wouldn't offer paper subscribers the NYT for 50¢ per copy without the Opinion section, and $2.00 per copy with Opinion included. If you did, you'd rapidly find that you no longer needed to actually print an Opinion section. Indeed, you might find that you no longer needed to print a paper at all. So, why would you do that to web subscribers?" Why? Because it's the New York Times, that's why! Isn't that reason enough?
Now, if the marketing mavens at the Times ever decided to charge for the online version of the book review, or the Sunday magazine, or the "Shaken and Stirred" columns, I'd weep. I might even pay.
John Shadegg makes his case in the Wall Street Journal. And a compelling case it is, too. Hugh is right, tell your representative to vote for Shadegg. If he's a Democrat, tell him to switch parties, then vote for Shadegg.
I got my sleep study results, and my Apnea-Hypopnea Index was 110.
I just love watching when Monkey Menken gets drunk and starts hitting on other blogs (see below). Of course, no one can hold a candle to the original punch drunk pundits. And the Atomizer, who, clearly can't be called a pundit, but has, like me, recently realized that he wishes he could quit his new iPod.
An editorial in Tuesday's Press-Enterprise argues that Americans (patriotic or otherwise) need to think differently about the war. But it's worth noting the editorial's thesis is nothing new.
Update: A couple of new links above. And the grammar's been cleaned up in the cold, hard light of sobriety.
I miss linking to Ith. Hope this finds you well... and please, for the love of Gandalf, give us a trackback...
By way of proof, I offer the archives of any major or minor blogsite regarded as a going concern today. The archives, not the actual site. How many dead links do you find? On the old Infinite Monkeys, you'll find plenty. Some blogs are smarter than others. So what? Blog entries may require clever writing, but the links die quicker than the ink would dry on a newspaper page. The record is a joke.
Remember that, and so much for the old media, or MSM, or whatever it's called in 2011. The "new media," as we think we know it, is relatively new and stupid. Some of our best work may be lost to the whims and caprices of web sources sowing their oats. Please note the absence of links within this post and visit Technorati for examples. You'll have to do a bit of typing.
And party like it's 1999.
A good question: what was the best invention of the 20th century (excluding computers or anything to do with computers)? Don't answer here; go to Just Ask Christopher and answer there.
Time was, this little weblog enjoyed a bit of popularity.
In those days, Dr. Monkeystein held forth on issues great and small, Monkey Brad was living large, and Monkey David was still a swingin' single. Syndicated radio hosts denounced us regularly, we were perched near the top of the fourth-tier of the ecosystem, and that rat bastard Reynolds linked to the site... once. Even our brew-swilling buddy Miller's Time pointed traffic our way, it seemed, every couple of days or so.
Yeah, life was sweet. Magical, even.
I wish I could quit you, Miller's Time.
Anyway, Monkey Ben left in a huff, Monkeystein went missing, Brad started riding bikes, Robb lost his mind, and some guy named JamesPh essentially hacked into the site and started posting at random.
Bummer.
Now we learn, thanks to a gaggle of Canadians, that in "just a brief one-twentieth of a second -- less than half the time it takes to blink -- people make aesthetic judgments that influence the rest of their experience with an Internet site."
Well, nuts. Maybe the color scheme wasn't such a good idea after all.
I blame Monkeystein.
Y'all come back now, y'hear!
If Ben Franklin were still alive, he would be turning 300 today. And would be very tired.
I do think Franklin defined what it was to be an American. His Autobiography defined a new type of person: self made, industrious but not as bleak as the Puritans, and witty.
Rap lyrics, translated.
Remember when the Web used to be all about the linking, maaaaaan? Neither do we. But during a lull at the office the other day, in between the screaming and the ranting, some of us wondered about some of the blogsites on the Infinite Monkeys blogroll. Did we not list them for a reason? Perhaps. But those reasons -- flimsly at best -- have been washed away by the intervening months and years of alcohol abuse.
Still, it seemed to us -- well, to H.L. Monkey, anyway -- why not pay a visit in hopes of reviving some fond memories? Or possibly to inspire newfound contempt. And so, the first annual "One Hand Washes the Other Infinite Blog Round Up... uh, Thing" was born. Please link to us!
Good Lord. What a waste of time. The rest... uh, later.
1. The iPod Nano can run slideshows of still pics on its little screen, but you can't send the video out to any other source. I had been hoping to send video out to a projector to run through stills in my Art History class, but alas. A few hours of buying, testing, and returning cables, topped off by some deep searching of Apple firmware discussion online, all wasted. So much for riding this afternoon before basketball.
2. Urgent care doctors prefer not to stitch dog bite wounds these days. Instead they use a pharmaceutical grade super glue. This too I learned first hand. No, really first hand, like the middle finger of my left hand. While coaching basketball practice, a pit bull pulled the little kid hanging onto its leash across the court. No, I wasn't trying to pet it! I just stood by as it passed. But it seemed to smell my two cats on my shoes and lunged, snarling, at my dangling hand. Blood. Follow to parent/owner. Copy info. Call police. Ask protocol. Wait. File report. Wait. Confirm vaccinations. Wait. Decline pressing charges. Continue basketball practice one-handed. Too much blood. Go to Urgent Care. Paperwork. Pay co-pay. Wait. Wait. Get triaged. Wait. Get cleaned. Grimace. Get glued. Get shot. Grimace. Wait. Get prescription. Pay co-pay. Home.
3. I don't like pit bulls.
The Washington Post today published an interview with Bruce Gordon, the President of the NAACP. One of his big fights was on behalf of Crips founder and murderer Stanley "Tookie" Williams. Williams' legacy as Crips founder is the very thing that Mr. Gordon complains about: African American males make up about 40% of the nation's prison population. But instead of working to undermine that legacy, the NAACP perpetuates the dangerous myth of Williams redemption and martyrdom. How sad.
Although MLK's birthday was yesterday, today is the day we officially celebrate the memory of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It's a good time to look back at his life and achievements and remind ourselves what life was like before King.
King is today maybe best remembered for his "I Have a Dream" speech at the Lincoln Memorial on August 28, 1963, excerpted below:
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!
We just can't let Roy Blunt take the job of House Majority Leader. Forget the Ambramoff stink, the K Street influence, and the secrecy-over-transparency. This guy's got a set that approaches Sam Donaldson's freaky forehead seagull. It doesn't show up so much in the still photos. I suspect he's self conscious about them and has learned to reign them in for the click of the camera. But watch him on a live show and they arch together, looming ominously. They seem to be a sinister bookend to Ambramoff's dashing black trench & goodfella get-up a' la Boris Badenov.
The Republicans won't be able to withstand such a continuing display in the face of an army of political cartoonists. Even Chris Muir would probably not be able to resist mockery.
John Boehner? Too tan. From the looks of him, he's too tall too, but that's just a guess. Plus, his eyes are dropping back into the dark depths like an early Emperor Palpatine. Clearly, his appearance (including his country club fashion) makes him unsuitable.
But there is Shadegg. He's funny-lookin'. Oh, he's no Steve Buscemi. But he's funny lookin'. And possibly short -- I can't quite tell. There are lots of good reasons to support Shadegg over the others. But I'll base my support on appearance alone. "Shadegg: the guy too nerdy lookin' to have been in with the 'cool' clique." You know you identify with him.
Heard tonight at the Monkey RobbL household during family game night:
"Papa, can you put your cards down so I can give you a hug?"
I've eaten so much beef this week that the Chick-Fil-A cows have put out a hit on me.
In this month's issue of The Atlantic, there is a lengthy "book review" which, like all good book reviews, uses the book merely as a jumping off point for cultural commentary. "The Abolition of Man" started life as a book review, after all.
In this case, the article ("Are You There God? It's Me, Monica", subscription required) discusses the "oral sex culture" that may or may not be overtaking the early teen girls of America, and how we could have descended so far from the (comparatively, in retrospect) wholesome Judy Bloom books of a generation ago.
This quote, from late in the article, stood out to me:
As a parent, I am horrified by the changes that have taken place in the common culture over the past thirty years. I believe that we are raising children in a kind of post-apocalyptic landscape in which no forces beyond individual households—individual mothers and fathers—are protecting children from pornography and violent entertainment. The "it takes a village" philosophy is a joke, because the village is now so polluted and so desolate of commonly held, child-appropriate moral values that my job as a mother is not to rely on the village but to protect my children from it.My parents' generation would have been ashamed to be accused of "sheltering" their children. For me, it is a badge of honor.
I couldn't keep up with Hugh's slanderous (I presume) screed about Chad the Elder from Fraters Libertas this afternoon. I missed most of it other than something to do with figure skating, no teeth and a cod piece. Not sure what any of that means, but it certainly sounded defamatory.
Hey, Hugh. I've heard that Monkey Brad really isn't this bike riding tour de stud. I hear he pretty much does no more than peddles around on a tricycle in a yellow raincoat and falls over, albeit wearing a cod piece, to be sure.
Did I just hear right? The prosecution of Jose Padilla says they have his Al Qaeda "job application" form?
A job application form for al Qaeda?
Seriously?
UPDATE: Michelle Malkin has what is alleged to be Padilla's al qaeda application.
This just can't be real. Can it?
Because the difference between a "global war on terrorism" and a war against Islam is, in all likelihood, half a billion lives. But this article is worth reading and contemplating anyway. Naturally, there is a link to Hugh Hewitt.
I have absolutely no knowledge about this issue, but that will not stop me from making the following prediction:
Arizona Congressman J. D. Hayworth has so much Abramoff stink on him you can smell him from outside the beltway.
And if he doesn't, then it's not because he's principled, it's because he doesn't have enough juice to accomplish anything worthy of an Abramoff favor.
Note: Introduction and table of contents here.
The third criterion of Jus ad bellum is Legitimate Authority.
Definition: Legitimate Authority: Only duly constituted public authorities may use deadly force or wage war;
Evaluation: Distinct evaluations are not necessary here. By any traditional standard, the United States government, its military, and other government organizations meet the "duly constituted public authority" standard. I have not yet read or heard a compelling argument otherwise, apart from those that would argue against ANY "public" authority being duly constituted. While that argument may have its merits, it pretty much renders this entire discussion moot, as it attacks some of the presuppositions upon which Just War Theory is founded. Some may think the existence of the United Nations and our participation in it renders them a superseding public authority. I am not one of those people.
Conclusion: The United States government has the Legitimate Authority to wage war, as long as such war meets the other criteria for a Just War.
Next chapter: Right Intention
Pat Robertson is not important. Pat Robertson hasn't been relevant in 15 years. Robertson's fame and notoriety are sustained by the media, which love to report on his outrageous statements.
Robertson's influence even on the religous right is marginal, at best. It would have been accurate to say that he moved voters in the late 80s and early 90s. Not anymore. His "700 Club" averages around 875,000 viewers. James Dobson of Focus on the Family has something like 200 million listeners to his globally syndicated radio program. Rick Warren, founder and pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, has sold more than 25 million copies of "The Purpose Driven Life." Pay attention to what they're saying because those guys are relevant. They're moving people. Robertson is moving old ladies in Indiana and cynical news guys looking for easy copy.
Robertson should be ignored, like David Duke and Lyndon LaRouche (Maybe). Now let us never speak of Pat Robertson again.
Incidentally, the Washington Examiner agrees.
Good grief. Monkey David wrote sounder stuff for his college paper drunk than the editorial writers in Oakland wrote, presumably, sober. This is juvenalia. But, obviously, too many of us cannot see the obvious. We're at war. Really. More about that, and just war in the next couple of days...
In this instance, the negatives in question are Raynal VSOP and Domaine Ste. Michelle. The drink is a modified Champagne cocktail. Obviously, you cannot have a Champagne cocktail without champagne. (Domaine Ste. Michelle is produced in the great state of Washington, not France.) And I'm fresh out of the real stuff. Also, I'm using Fee's orange bitters instead of the traditional Angostura. Truth is, the primary ingredients here are third-rate. They're merely "OK." Not spectacular, but decent for the price. Raynal can be found at Trader Joe's for $9.99 and the bubbly can be had on sale for $8 or less at any reputable grocery store.
Now, the latest Difford's Guide describes the classic Champagne cocktail as "overrated," but I think that's unfair. Given a ratio of about 3 to 1, and without overdoing the sugar (a matter of taste, to be sure), it's a perfectly fine drink.
For many variations on the Champagne cocktail, I recommend "Champagne Cocktails," by Anistatia R. Miller and Jared Brown. And for a fine Champagne cocktail, pay a visit to Napoleon's at Paris Las Vegas. Or my house. 'Cause I know how to make a French 75 without having to click on that link.
Note: Introduction and table of contents here.
The second criterion of Jus ad bellum is Comparative Justice.
Definition: Comparative Justice: While there may be rights and wrongs on all sides of a conflict, to override the presumption against the use of force, the injustice suffered by one party must significantly outweigh that suffered by the other;
Evaluation - Afghanistan: Again, if we accept that the Taliban were strongly complicit in the 9/11 attacks, this one's pretty easy to justify. On our side, we experienced almost exclusively civilian casualties and a great deal of physical damage. The collateral damage to the Afghan people has been, by most measures, fairly controlled. We deposed the government, accomplished our goal, and are for the most part engaged in rebuilding.
Evaluation - Iraq: Not even close. Since Iraq as a nation was not complicit by any fair standard, and Saddam Hussein was not meaningfully complicit, our invasion and killing of thousands more civilians than we lost is completely unacceptable by Comparative Justice standards. The first Gulf War satisfied any "comparative justice" the Kuwaitis may have been entitled to, so our invasion and subsequent destruction was not justifiable by this standard.
Evaluation - Other: Our damage to other peoples and regimes has been fairly insignificant at this point.
Conclusion: While the Afghan invasion appears to satisfy the Comparative Justice requirements of Just War theory, the Iraq War does not even come close. It is Unjust according to these standards.
Next chapter: Legitimate Authority
The Oakland Tribune reminds us that we were warned all of this would happen.
Of course, they end with the overly idealistic political gesture of sending a copy of "1984" to each member of Congress, along with Bush & Cheney.
Don't they understand that they all have copies already? They're clearly using them as "how-to" manuals for legislation and political rhetoric.
Shatkins: The uniquely fluid bowel movements one has after a few days without carbohydrates.
I've lost 19 pounds in 5 days, by the way. No joke.
Joe Sobran offers a defense of C.S. Lewis that is worthy of the man himself.
This should have happened a couple of months ago.
The Elder (over at one of the other kudzu sites) is taking up a collection for a charity excursion while he's in Mexico. Go read about it. And don't let the lack of tax deductibility stop you: remember, if you gave to a tax-deductible charity now, you'd save a few bucks in April 2007--big deal. Give me a call in April 2007, and I'll buy you a beer.*
I really like the do-it-yourself direct charity idea and hope you join me in supporting it.
* Offer conditional on being wherever I am in April 2007. Void where prohibited by law. Employees and the immediate family members of such employees (or people living in the same household) of Infinite Monkeys Enterprises LLC and its subsidiaries are not eligible.
A few nights ago, during the final editing of her forthcoming book (details as they become available), my mom and I took a break for dinner. Over the meal we began to discuss Dennis Prager's recent announcement of his divorce. I mentioned that Dennis spent some time talking with callers also going through such tragedy about the steps that one should take to protect children during and after divorce. At the table, I overstated my reaction to the topic, saying that it reminded me of one of the similes for futility that always cracks me up: It's like spraying Lysol on a turd.
My mom (who handled my comment quite well, considering my perspective on divorce is colored by the one she suffered when I was about 11) put the subject in much more accurate terms. Regarding kids and divorce she said: "There's not a lot you can do to make it better, but you can sure make it a lot worse."
Reading Monkey RobbL's post about Hugh (below) I did a double take:
". . . stupid KKNT . . ."
Never mind.
Why does Pat Robertson keep opening his mouth?
Who is this Mary Katharine Ham person blogging at Hugh's website? I completely missed this. In fact, I didn't even notice there was a different name listed under a bunch of the blog entries until the last couple of days. I thought Hugh had somehow become more charming and articulate due to some sort of Robert Johnson crossroads deal.
I'd listen to his show to try to find out, but stupid KKNT has shoved him out of his old spot to make way for those idiots Liddy & Hill, and I'm still trying to find a good spot in my room for my Radio Shark antenna so that I can listen when I want to.
Anyway, somebody fill me in, will ya?
Man, this is a heck of an Orange Bowl.
Update: Man, this is a heck of a Rose Bowl.
I'm not sure if science or philosophy can answer this question:
What is the best remix album ever recorded: "Disco" by Pet Shop Boys, "Mixed Up" by The Cure, or "Wishful Thinking" by Propaganda?
Too close to call.
I spent way too much time on this baby names website.
(Hat tip:The Corner.)
Just saw that FEMA is sending relief Hurricane Katrina checks to state prisoners. In prison. Who were in prison at the time of Katrina. Marvelous.
Okay, so I snore REALLY loud. REALLY REALLY loud. And I stop breathing a lot, or so I'm told. Apnea, they say. I know a lot of guys with sleep apnea. That's odd, it seems to me.
Anyway, so my Dr. set me up for a sleep study. Tonight starting at 10:00pm. Seemed reasonable at the time. Complications:
1. Had a NYE party at my house last night.
2. After NYE party ended, got home from fireworks and my dog had run away. Up until 2:30am driving around looking for dog. Relieved by Mrs. Monkey.
3. Had to get up at 7:20am to play bass at church.
4. Not allowed to have caffiene after noon today.
5. Not allowed to take a nap.
So now I'm deliriously tired, trying to stay awake for JUST A LITTLE LONGER before the 30 minute drive to the sleep study place. I hope I make it.
Yesterday Patterico posted his third annual Los Angeles Dog Trainer Year in Review 2005, a review of the pitiful performance of the L.A Times in 2005.
When reviewing the foibles of the old media, it is helpful to keep in mind the constant criticism of blogs that, unlike the blogs, the old media has "editors" who review and correct before publication. I guess that's why the N.Y. Time corrections generally makes such good reading.
Naturally, when welcoming in a New Year, our thoughts first turn to Who Died in '05. from the Good, to the Bad, and to the Ugly, they're all here.
I was particularly moved by the death of Johnny Carson. Like many Americans of a certain age, I grew up with Johnny. It' may be a cliche, but late night TV never was the same without him. Johnny was a class act all the way. Hard to believe his last show was in 1992.
Others have been out of the spotlight for years, so it's hard to say they will be "missed". But growing up I can fondly remember Chris Schenkel (died at 82) as the voice of college football before Keith Jackson, and before ESPN and cable.
Of course I will miss Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 himself, Don Adams. Why in God's name isn't Get Smart out on DVD?
And at last, a po-em. Fom the late Nipsey Russell:
"The opposite of pro is con, that fact is clearly seen,
if progress means move forward, then what does Congress mean?"
or
"If you owe too much on American Express, and your Diner's Club notes are too hard,
take a loan on your Visa, and pay it off with your MasterCard!"
