Infinite Monkeys
"...a sparkly blog..." - James Lileks"Read them only with extreme caution."- Hugh Hewitt
Infinite MonkeysCBS News reports that the Reverend Pat Robertson claims to have leg-pressed 2,000 pounds. 2000 pounds! That's almost a ton!
According to the CBN Web site, Robertson worked his way up to lifting a ton with the help of his physician, who is not named. The posting does not say when the lift occurred, but a CBN spokeswoman released photos to The Associated Press that she said showed Robertson lifting 2,000 pounds in 2003, when Robertson was 73. He is now 76.
In case you think that sounds just a bit funny, it should:
Clay Travis of CBS SportsLine.com called the 2,000-pound assertion impossible in a column this week, writing that the leg-press record for football players at Florida State University is 665 pounds less.
And there are people who send this guy money? Jesus.
Yes, I got this from the Bob & Tom Show as well.
Heard about this website while listening to the The Bob & Tom Show this morning. "nndb" identifies itself as an intelligence aggregator that tracks the activities of people we have determined to be noteworthy, both living and dead. Superficially, it seems much like a "Who's Who" where a noted person's curriculum vitae is available (the usual information such as date of birth, a biography, and other essential facts.)
I see it as something like the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com), but not just for television and movies.
As an example, there is this bio for President John F. Kennedy.
Look toward the bottom, and you'll see:
FILMOGRAPHY AS ACTOR
The Zapruder Film (1963) Himself
Damn.
On the plus side, at least they didn't list under Risk Factors: Lead.
1. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House
2. (What's So Funny About) Peace, Love, and Understanding - Nick Lowe/Elvis Costello & The Attractions
3. We Are Each Other - The Beautiful South
4. I Will - The Beatles
5. Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
[Note: These songs are in no particular order, and do not necessarily represent the "best" pop songs. It's just a list of five perfect pop songs.]
I was having lunch at Houston's today, and there was a story just like one of these on MSNBC. Thank you, Stephen, for championing awareness of this grave threat!
Your dark indulgent past, celebrated publicly, live onstage by unashamed college students.
Gnat thinks Harding was a better President than Wilson? What is that man teaching his child?
Still, I was pleased to see his car choice. I love my Honda Element. But I would think the name choice would be obvious--ditch Star Trek and choose Serenity.
(Or Firefly.)
Looks like it's time to cancel those Minnesota vacation plans.
As reported in the L.A. Times and everywhere else:
A Los Angeles psychologist who was denied a tote bag during a Mother's Day giveaway at an Angel game is suing the baseball team, alleging sex and age discrimination.
Michael Cohn's class-action claim in Orange County Superior Court alleges that thousands of males and fans under 18 were "treated unequally" at a "Family Sunday" promotion last May and are entitled to $4,000 each in damages.
He's not just suing the Angels:
The targets of the suit are the team and the Corinthian Colleges. Corinthian oversees Bryman College, which has an Anaheim campus and sponsored the event, its name printed on the bags.
What a douchebag. I happened to be at the game, and I didn't get a bag, and I didn't complain or sue. BECAUSE I AM NOT A DOUCHEBAG SHRINK!
So where does Minor League ball come in?
On July2, 2006, The Altoona Curve is holding a Salute to Frivolous Lawsuits Night:
ALTOONA- Inspired by a Los Angeles Angels fan who filed a lawsuit against the club because he did not receive a red nylon tote bag as part of the major league club's Mother’s Day promotion last May, the Altoona Curve have announced that they will be holding Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night as part of their Sunday, July 2nd game at Blair County Ballpark.
The Curve’s salute to all ridiculous lawsuits ever filed will include the following:
A Pink Tote Bag Giveaway to the first 137 men in attendance ages 18 and over [Hey, Douchebag! Didja hear that? They're mocking you, you raging prick!)
The first 137 women 18 and over will receive lukewarm coffee so they will not burn themselves [shouldn't this be poured directly on 75 year old or older vaginas?]
The first 137 kids will be given a beach ball with a warning not to ingest it
Angels merchandise and novelty items given away throughout the game
Honoring some of history's "Most Frivolous Lawsuits" during the game
A grand prize drawing in which one fan will receive a “clue” and their own frivolous lawsuit.
“We realize that these giveaways as part of our Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night are fairly stupid and serve no real purpose,” said Curve General Manager Todd Parnell. “But if our fans don’t like them, then they can sue us!”
Curve President and Managing Partner Chuck Greenberg, himself a practicing corporate and sports attorney, declined to comment on his club’s promotion because of concerns that his comments could lead to a frivolous lawsuit.
A corporate lawyer with a sense of humor? Who knew.
From the Discovery Channel, more stuff we already knew:
Monkeys drink more alcohol when housed alone, and some like to end a long day in the lab with a boozy cocktail, according to a new analysis of alcohol consumption . . . .
and
"It was not unusual to see some of the monkeys stumble and fall, sway, and vomit," Chen added. "In a few of our heavy drinkers, they would drink until they fell asleep."
Really?
Maybe that explains this
DID PEOPLE DO IT WITH MONKEYS?
It's good to be a monkey?
If "War of the Roses" has taught me anything, it's to watch out if she says she wants to see the bald avenger.
Hat tip: Rhino Brian
You know how I said there were plenty of things to criticize the Iranian government for? Here's one.
Hat tip: Rhino Brian
UPDATE: Homer nods, eh.
How do you explain to your ten-year-old son what hippies are?
Via Breitbart, the AP reports that Albinos are bothered that one of their own has yet again been depicted as a villain.
The controversy about Albinos pales in comparison to the controversy about the susbtance of the DaVinci Code.
Folks, Lighten up!
Hat tip: The Bob & Tom Show
... Simon Cowell shot and killed Ryan Seacrest, not jury in America would convict him.
But it's possible that Simon doesn't do his own wetwork. I can respect that.
... is a real bastard.
Was gonna talk about Bush's speech addressing illegal immigration. eh. Who cares? He clearly doesn't. I'd rather talk about Bears eating Monkeys.
I saw that in Asia live monkey brains are a delicacy.
Live?
Didn't know sloth bear were such epicureans.
Saw this story title in a kids publication:
"The Monkey Who Pleased Himself."
Indeed.
I haven't watched the NBA for years. But the Suns really are exciting this year, and it's the playoffs and all... What had I been so turned off by again? The officiating? The thuggery, attitude, and tattoos? The whininess of the players? The ticket prices? I was just beginning to conclude that it was a combination of all that, with the officiating at the top, when I watched Game 2 of the Western Conference Semis on ESPN.
Oh, yeah... It was Bill Walton.
No Monkey deserves to be eaten by bears. But let's be honest. He's a monkey.
Odds are that he instigated it--taunting the bears, flinging poo, complaining about warrant-less wiretapping. He was a monkey.
This may be the only time I ever say this:
Thank you, Qwest, for considering your customers and doing the right thing.
About that letter, President Ahmadinejad elaborates:
We act according to laws and our activities are quite clear. We are rather intent on solving more fundamental global matters.The letter was an invitation to monotheism and justice, which are common to all divine prophets. If the call is responded positively, there will be no more problems to be solved.
"I always suspected the right's disdain for political correctness was a Sam-and-Diane sort of enmity, an animus that could only end with a lusty, guilty romp in the hay. Last month in Bellevue, Washington, they finally consummated their union, after years of catty insults, coy flirtation, and occasional bouts of heavy petting."
So writes Jesse Walker at Reason. Can't say he's wrong, although he picks some pretty low-hanging fruit.
...democracy simply doesn't work.
YouTube: Turning self-reference in on itself.
And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us.
So, I actually read the entire Ahmadinejad letter yesterday. (Hat tip: Rhino Brian) Doesn't exactly come off as the ravings of a madman, you know. Saddam and Osama make much better cartoon villains.
Of course, the whack jobs over at Little Green Footballs appear inclined toward the "thinly-veiled prelude to an attack" interpretation.
Do I think he's sincere? Well, he's a politician, so I think the safest assumption is that his intentions are far more selfish than he would like you to believe. That said, the haste with which anti-Islamite weblogs like LGF rush to find the worst possible interpretation of this document, while simultaneously defending the transparent deceptions and abuses of the Bush administration are telling.
Better not to trust either party. They both have agendas to advance and protect, and neither of those agendas are good ones.
Alternately, evaluate the actual content, rather than deconstructing it. Does Ahmadinejad bring up some valid moral criticisms of Bush and his administration? Yes he does, and he does it politely while avoiding the use of inflammatory rhetoric. There are plenty of things for which we can criticize Iran. I don't think this letter is one of them.
Listen to this audio playback of a phone call from a guy witnessing a traffic accident and its hilarious aftermath.
Hat tip: Rhino Brian
"Either our govt. is criminally incompetent, or else it is maliciously hostile to ordinary American citizens. Or both." That's a tough one. Let me get back to you on that.
If you pretend to be smart, and you give a damn about the Republic, then allow me commend the following titles to you (with intermittent commentary to come):
My fiend... er, friend, JamesPh wonders what it's all about. I'll tell him...
That public men publish falsehoods Is nothing new. That America must accept Like the historical republics corruption and empire Has been known for years.Be angry at the sun for setting
If these things anger you. Watch the wheel slope and turn,
They are all bound on the wheel, these people, those warriors.
This republic, Europe, Asia.Observe them gesticulating,
Observe them going down. The gang serves lies, the passionate
Man plays his part; the cold passion for truth
Hunts in no pack.You are not Catullus, you know,
To lampoon these crude sketches of Caesar. You are far
From Dante's feet, but even farther from his dirty
Political hatreds.Let boys want pleasure, and men
Struggle for power, and women perhaps for fame,
And the servile to serve a Leader and the dupes to be duped.
Yours is not theirs.Robinson Jeffers, "Be Angry at the Sun"
Same for you, Robb.
Other than the insane rants of Monkey RobbL about "King George" and his music downloads (dude, you're a freak), and my uninteresting posts about eh epicurean delights to be found in California's Central Valley, nothing is happening here.
Yes, I'm calling you out, Bike Boy. Usually I can taunt a couple of posts out of him before he curls up in a ball and wimpers about work, back pain, blah, blah, blah.
And where is that long promised Monkey Nuptials post from Grammer Monkey? Jesus, what anniversary is he on now. And don't get me started on H.L.M.. "It" was the only Monkey keeping things alive here. Now? Not so much.
God I miss Monkeystein.
Last week I had a wonderful ribeye (nothing like savoring the flavor of murder) that was to die for. Or to kill for. Either way, it was good grub.
Tonight? Not so much. Chinese food at another nondescript Central Valley town. Tasted like it spewed forth from the anus of Satan.
God I hate myself right now.
Well, I can't imagine why anyone would be even slightly concerned about Bush's nominee to replace Porter Goss. I mean, who can we trust to run the country's civilian spy agency better than a four-star general whose last assignment was running the NSA's big brother warrantless wiretap program. You can bet that HE won't put up with anyone leaking the locations of secret CIA torture prisons. That should be comforting.
Interesting to note: Republican members of the Intelligence Committees in the House and Senate are "concerned" about Hayden's nomination. On the other hand, Dianne Feinstein considers him to be a "respected, competent intelligence professional." I'm sure those details are also quite soothing.
UPDATE: Hugh Hewitt agrees with Senator Feinstein, not with his Republican party-mates. What happened to Painting The Map Red?
Ever the optomist, Hugh Hewitt sees the up side in the latest polling and Bush's numbers, and consitnues to see a trend toward Painting the Map Red:
But with the rejection of the immigration approach favored by the Democrats and the mavericks [really? we'll see. The GOP has plenty of time to show thir lack of a spine], the appearance of some fiscal discipline among some senators [some? how may? two? three? "fiscal discipline?], the slow but certain march towards the confirmation of future Judges Kavanaugh, Boyle, Haynes [my bet is two out of these three do not get confirmed. Gutless weasels in the Senate won't allow it] etc, the word that the White House will be back in the judicial nominations business very soon, and --most of all-- the return of the war to the public's consciousness because of Iran's manifest aggressiveness on nukes and Israel and undeniable threats in Central and South America, suddenly the election if framed --again--- as a choice between the serious though flawed party of victory, growth, and border security [huh?] and the party of surrender, to both the jihadists abroad and the demands for amnesty now and again in the future at home.
I'd like to agree with Hugh, but how? Fiscal discipline? Border security? Please.
Not that I'm going to miss Porter Goss, but perhaps King George ought to be asking for the resignation of the guy in the mirror.
Last 10 Album Downloads from eMusic:
1. Amy Rigby - Middlescence
2. The Mendoza Line - Lost In Revelry
3. The Church - Uninvited, Like The Clouds
4. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm Remixed
5. Calexico - Garden Ruin
6. Ministry - Rio Grande Blood
7. Mission of Burma - ONoffON
8. Glen Phillips - Mr. Lemons
9. Minutemen - Double Nickels On The Dime
10. Drive By Truckers - A Blessing And A Curse
Last 10 Song Downloads from eMusic:
1. Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers - Banditos (live)
2. Dickey Betts - In Memory Of Elizabeth Reed (live)
3. Duane Eddy - Peter Gunn
4. Mission of Burma - Max Ernst
5. Hybrid featuring Peter Hook - True to Form (long version)
6. Daniel Johnston - Speeding Motorcycle
7. Frank Zappa - Whippin' Post
8. Supersuckers - Good Living
9. The Dubliners - Whiskey In The Jar
10. Beeky - I'm A Little Airplane
Last 10 CDs (or CD sets) Purchased:
1. The Beatles - The Capitol Albums, Vol. 2
2. Jeff Beck - Box (Blow By Blow, Wired, There And Back)
3. The Pogues - Box (Peace And Love, Rum Sodomy and the Lash, If I Should Fall From Grace With God)
4. Joy Division - Still
5. Matthew Sweet - In Reverse
6. Beck - Mutations
7. Dwight Yoakam - Under The Covers
8. Husker Du - Everything Falls Apart And More
9. Squirrel Nut Zippers - The Inevitable
10. Aztec Camera - Knife / Aztec Camera EP
Current Library:
1197 Artists, 3215 Albums, 31850 Items, 95.7 Days, 147.28 GB
(note: I recently removed all of my live audience recordiings [appx. 1400 songs, mostly Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker] from my main library and moved them to another Mac)
Well, maybe I live in the wrong part of the country (Arizona doesn't have any immigrants, does it?) but I think at this point I can safely say that my life has not been affected in any way today by the "walkout" or whatever was planned today. In fact, I had totally forgotten about it until my Canadian Immigrant (legal) software saleman friend and co-worker mentioned it a few minutes ago. He worked a full day today, by the way.
If you don't mind being angry for the rest of the day, read this transcript of some gutless scumbag Tennessee cops literally torturing a non-violent drug offender to get him to sign a consent form to search his property. Better yet, listen to the audio.
Hat tips: The Agitator and Deuce.